Rule of St. Benedict, Chapters 41-49

BOOK CLUB 1 | WEEK 4: Daily Schedules, Seasonal Routines, and Key Virtues

As a reminder, you can access the text of St. Benedict’s Rule here. If you’d like to visit the Book Club table of contents, you can do so here. Please note that this week was originally listed as “Additional Matters of Discipline and Household Rules”.

Photo by Narek Hakobyan on Unsplash

We’re continuing to make our way through St. Benedict’s Rule at a steady pace as we move into the second half of the text, and the second half of this book club! When I originally planned the breakout of the sections, I remembered this week’s reading being a lot more fragmented than it actually is. You’ll notice that I have adjusted the byline to account for this. I’m really glad to see there are some common themes, as I think it makes for an easier read of the text and a stronger write-up here!

Chapter 41-42, 47-49: Daily schedules, weekly routines, seasonal disciplines

Everyone these days is talking about how routines (and/or rituals) can benefit you, even if you’re someone who loves to be super spontaneous and free-spirited.¹ So it should come as no surprise to us that St. Benedict has been saying the same thing since the sixth century. Benedict addresses a few specific routines in these chapters:

• Selecting and sticking to specific mealtimes (no snacks!)

• Little Silence in the afternoon; Grand Silence in the evening

• Set times of prayer that take priority over everything else

• Set times of work (manual or mental/spiritual) that structure your day

• Leaning into the liturgical seasons of the Church and the natural seasons

I think that every single item on this list can benefit us as families in one way or another, so let’s just start from the beginning.

Meals

When it comes to meals, I am not a good example for my daughters. At all. But I want to be a good example, and one of the ways I hope to transition in that direction over the coming year(s) is to do exactly what St. Benedict says and set specific times for meals and snacks, with no food available in between. I think I’ve referenced Kids Eat in Color before, but if not, I’d highly recommend this article as an overview of her food philosophy. Tip #3 specifically discusses the practice (and benefits) of setting a meal schedule. Jennifer is talking specifically about children, but I know firsthand that if I applied the same principles for myself, not only would I eat a healthier variety of foods (I’m writing this with a bowl of goldfish and chocolate chips…) but I would also be less prone to gluttony, bored-eating, sad-eating, stressed-eating. As a nursing mom, I eat (or want to eat) all. the. time. But lacking a plan leaves me carb-loading, then crashing, and then struggling to fall asleep.

Times of Silence

I love the idea of implementing times of silence into our family routine. Right now, we have two little ones who nap during lunch time, so our “little silence” is from about 12:45-2:15. That time shifts and changes and will continue to do so, but it is (and I hope, will continue to be) an anchor point in our day. Typically, while the girls nap, I read or write, occasionally watch a movie, or (if James is home), take a nap myself. I pointedly don’t do chores, with the exception of throwing dinner in the crockpot if needed. Everything else can wait. If you’re on Notes, this is what I was talking about earlier in the week, in response to Charlene Storey’s lovely post on relaxation:

As the girls age and eventually stop napping (RIP), we plan on implementing a family-wide quiet time during this lunch block. It may not be the full hour and a half, especially at first, but maintaining a time for everyone to read, pray, rest, and reset the nervous system is high on our list of family priorities.

In the monastery, the monks also observe the “Grand Silence” after compline is prayed - essentially, no one is to speak all night. While it may not be helpful or feasible for our families to maintain total silence all evening, we could certainly put in place some disciplines such as: no frivolous talk after 10pm (nothing good happens in our home after 10pm anyway); no TV or screen time after the kids go to bed (with the possible exception of writing or graduate course participation); or implementing a more-or-less required time of side-by-side silent reading one evening a week.

Loose Schedule of Work and Prayer

Benedict notes that, at the signal for the Liturgy of the Hours (the Work of God), the monks are to stop whatever they are doing, immediately, no matter how much they’re in the middle of something and just want to finish one more thing. The work of God takes precedence over all the work they might otherwise be doing. Likewise, he offers them a schedule or routine of the times in which they are to pursue their assigned manual labors in and around the monastery. Ora et labora. Pray and work.

While it’s certainly true that no two days look alike with small children in the home, we can still set a similar loose schedule or routine for our families. This might include meal times (as referenced above), maintenance chores, time of play, prayer, work, and rest. While it would be imprudent and likely fruitless to expect a literal bell at down-to-the-minute times to call our toddlers to each next activity without protest, there is still a huge benefit in a general routine. Not only does a routine offer each member of our family the comfort and familiarity of being able to predict how the day will proceed, but it also gives us “bumper rails” to ensure that we keep our priorities straight. If our routine includes abundant for prayer, adequate rest and opportunities for eating, and time spent in necessary tasks, we can trust that we are not allowing any one role to take too much of our time and energy.

On the topic of prayer specifically, I love the note that Benedict gives about the abbot choosing who will lead psalms (and why). This is something that would be easily imitated in our families, whether our family prayer incudes recitation of the psalms, memorized prayers, a decade of the rosary, or communal singing of a hymn. The father of the family can distribute the privilege and responsibility of leading a portion of the family prayer to children he sees to be capable. On the flip side, a child who doesn’t know their Our Father, who can’t carry a tune, or who’s likely to be sullen shouldn’t be asked to lead family prayer. Not only will this practice allow the children to take ownership of their prayer lives, it also inspires them to cultivate the skill of leading prayer and the inclination to do so - but rather than buttressing up their own pride, this growth is ordered toward the edification of the family in general.

Seasonal Living

Throughout the Rule, Benedict refers to the ways in which the monks’ lifestyle changes based on the seasons - Does the heat impact the length of their manual labor? Does a shorter daylight-day mean their meal times will change? Additionally, in Chapter 49, Benedict talks about Lent - a season which, by its penitential character, is particularly dear to the monk’s heart.

“Liturgical living” is an increasingly popular trend in the Church these days, although I find it can easily swing from “this is a way to celebrate and pass on the faith to our children” to “let’s take every opportunity we can to party and post about it on social media”. But when embraced authentically - and in its fullness - liturgical living can become yet another way of physically embracing and internalizing the truths of the faith.² By “in its fullness” I mean both the feasting and the fasting - neither makes sense without the other. By all means, let’s embrace the 12 Days of Christmas, the Easter Octave, and the feast days of the saints we’re named after. But let’s also make it a point to fast on Fridays, live our Advents and Lents in a more somber spirit, and observe the Ember Days.

On the topic of Ember Days, we can also, like St. Benedict, lean into the natural seasons that tumble into one another as the year goes on and the years go on. I’m newer to “seasonal living” but am really hoping to dive into practices such as prioritizing produce during its natural harvest season, canning and preserving food at its peak to enjoy later in the year, and letting the natural world speak to my body’s rhythm and my routines more fully. There are a whole host of ways in which we can lean into the cyclical nature of the seasons, and I’m looking forward to growing in this area as a person and as a family.³

Chapters 43-46: Discipline and Virtue in the Home

These chapters, which form a break of sorts in the above section on routine, speak to some of the particular disciplines and virtues that ought to be cultivated in the monastery - and in the family. While, as we know, the specifics may change, the principles still very much apply. When we read these chapters, let’s focus not simply on the punishments offered for each offense, but also on the virtue that Benedict is wanting to cultivate in his monks, and that we ought to cultivate in our children. Just to give a non-exhaustive list:

• Punctuality & Obedience:

  When the bell rings for the Work of God, the monks drop what they are doing to attend to the Work. Likewise, whether or not we have an actual, physical bell to summon our children to prayer and meals, we can hold them to the standard of attending promptly without dilly-dallying or making excuses.

• Diligence & Presence:

  When the monks know that they only have a certain amount of time to work, they are more likely to make the most of that time and less likely to give in to hopeless, distraction, and procrastination. When work time is a limited commodity, it becomes more valuable and less oppressive. Likewise, when we know that our time to do chores, play with our children, or read a book with our spouse is limited, we are likely to be more present and more diligent in those tasks. (I would expect the same could be said of children and homework, although we are not at this stage yet. Parents of older children, would you weigh in?)

• Humility & Contrition

  When the monks have made an error or given in to vice, they are expected to make public satisfaction. This certainly encourages humility in them, and builds (by external actions leading to internal disposition) a habit of contrition and avoiding sin/fault in the future. While it may not be prudent for us to expect our children to lie prostrate outside the kitchen or the family oratory until told otherwise, there are certainly ways we can encourage a family culture of contrition and humility. In a family context, we do need to exercise care to cultivate virtue without overcompensating, so to speak, and humiliating one another instead.

• Forgiveness

  The flip side of the contrition coin is forgiveness. Just as the abbot has the role of officially “pardoning” the offending brother and restoring him to community, we ought to ensure that our families are places of forgiveness and pardon, where we aspire to virtue, never excuse vice, and always forgive one another in spite of that. I talked a little bit about conflict and forgiveness a few weeks ago in this post.

• Attentiveness & Piety

  Just as the monks are instructed to exercise extreme care in the Work of God, so as to avoid making a mistake in the prayers, we ought to model and teach our children to be attentive and devout in their personal and family prayers. We can start by checking our own attitude, our own level of distraction, and our own devotion. And as we begin to draw nearer to the Lord ourselves, we can bring our children with us, offering gentle direction or correction as their capacity for moments of focused prayer increases alongside their age and maturity. Of course, the goal is never to foster scrupulosity, but rather, a genuine love for the Lord and for prayer, which is our means of conversing with Him.

As a final thought - this post is getting longer than expected and it’s later than I hoped to be awake - I wanted to share a few key points from Chapter 46 on the etiquette of bearing with one another patiently:

1. First, we see highlighted the importance of being humble, apologizing, and making satisfaction right away, even for things that may or may not have been noticed.

2. Second, we see the importance of disclosing when someone has hurt someone or something. How to teach this distinction to children. A dear friend of mine recently shared with me that she explained this to her four- and two-year old daughters as the difference between “reporting” and “tattling”. Reporting is the act of sharing a factual, well, report of what is happening, and the goal of reporting is to keep everyone safe. Tattling, on the other hand, often involves editorializing, defensiveness, and/or blame, and is intended to get someone else in trouble. We want our children to be confident in reporting to us, even if we don’t want them to come tattling on their siblings all the time.

3. Finally, we see the importance of keeping a person’s errors or faults as little-talked-about as is prudent and feasible. While there will certainly be times when a child’s actions either cannot or should not be kept from the rest of the family, there will also be times when they can and should. Part of our role as parents is to handle issues with individuals if possible, rather than making faults known to the family as a whole.

I think that about wraps up our overview of this week’s reading! It’s a lot of ground to cover, for sure, but I hope that the Rule is proving to be rich “fertilizer” as you tend the garden of your family.

Questions for Consideration and Discussion

1. Does your family have a meal schedule, or any fun routines/rituals around food?

2. What role does silence play in your family? Are there ways you could lean into the discipline of silence in order to reap greater benefits?

3. Have you ever “slain” a piñata dragon on Michaelmas to celebrate St. Michael?

4. Please give me (and other parents who read along) your best tips on cultivating any of the virtues we discussed in your family!

1. I can think of three books off the top of my head that I’ve read in the last year alone that harp on this point: Fair Play, A Mother’s Rule of Life, and how to keep house while drowning. Our next Book Club mini-series will likely be a series of one-off posts discussing the pros and cons of each of these books so that, if you’re interested in building your own rule of life, you can take the approach that works best for your family!

Tsh Oxenreider

here on Substack also offers a workbook/course on building a Rule of Life that I haven’t used but am intrigued by.

2. Some great liturgical living starting places, if you’re new to it! Books: Drinking with the Saints, Around the Year with the Von Trapp Family. Websites: His Girl Sunday, Catholic All Year. Resources: Catholic Family Crate.

3. I asked “Seasonal Living Substack” to sound off on Notes as I was writing this post and am happy to be able to point you to: The Wildroot Parables, Hearthstone Post, Brunette Gardens, and Sow, Grow, Harvest, Rest among others. Hop on over to my original Note if you’re interested in learning more, because the list in the comments is growing faster than I can update this footnote!