Be Thankful (Grateful, Blessed)

Wrapping up the Ten Potty-Training Ways of Being

If you’d like to access the introduction/Table of Contents for this series, you can do so here.

Photo by Tyler Donaghy on Unsplash

We have made our way through all ten of the Potty Training Ways of Being over the last three months or so, and since today is Thanksgiving in the United States, it seemed fitting to wrap up our series with a discussion of gratitude. We’ll move into this little conclusion by reflecting on the last excerpt we originally read back at the beginning of this series, talking about the “why” behind all the virtues we’ve been discussing this fall:

It is the greatest challenge...the greatest honor...to have to rise to the occasion and grow up in little ways during this process (ways in which we’ve always wanted to grow)…

If you slip with any of the above (you ARE human, aren’t you?), simply notice that and then make an effort to switch back into it. These are moving targets and we can only do our best given our situations...so no hard feelings if you’re not perfect (um, who is?). Just strive as much as you can, and understand why we’re doing each of these things.

They all help.

- Andrea Olson, The Tiny Potty Training Book (affiliate link)

I love this passage because it reminds us that potty training—like every small, single-minded area of focus that parenting requires in one season or another—is not the point. Potty training, breastfeeding, getting kids to school on time, navigating friendship drama… they all feel critically, overwhelmingly important in the moment. And that’s not to say that they’re not important, or that we should just let them fall by the wayside. But they’re not the point of family life, of parenting, of marriage. They’re just manifestations or instantiations of our goal, which is holiness.

Potty training our children gives us an arena to grow as people and as parents and as Christians in ways we’ve always wanted to grow. Potty training (and parenting in general) doesn’t demand of us some kind of malformation that we didn’t ask for and wouldn’t choose, if given the chance. It gives us the crucible, the furnace, where we can be fire-tried and come out stronger and more virtuous in the end.

This is our “why” for this series. Growing in virtue, strengthening our prayer lives, and building healthier and holier habits of relationship within our families and friendships. When we frame these little challenges of parenting through the lens of growth in holiness, it’s much more intuitive to see them as a gift, a chance to draw near to the Lord.

That doesn’t mean they won’t be hard. That doesn’t mean that we won’t want to tear our hair out sometimes. But it will allow us to see these moments as invitations. We will be able to recognize—at least intellectually—the Lord’s presence in these moments.

I’ve found that when I’m looking for proof, I find it. If I’m looking for proof that I’ve been abandoned by God in the midst of a sleepless night, I will find proof in every last wiggle and twist and turn of the squirmy and not-very-sleepy baby in my lap. If I’m looking for proof that I’ve been short-shrifted in housework or slighted in a friendship, I will find that proof in every thoughtless comment or off-hand remark. And if I am looking for proof that the Lord provides, I will most certainly find it, in an unexpected tutoring gig, in a gift from a parent, in a random phone call with a dear friend. In a myriad of big and little ways, the Lord’s providence becomes abundantly clear—and clearly abundant—when we have eyes to see it.

Which brings me around to gratitude. If we truly accept that all is gift, that even in the darkest and most desperate of circumstances there is something of the Lord’s presence to be found, then we cannot help but recognize our blessedness, our belovedness.

Likewise, we cannot help but see in the challenges of family life—moving house, illness, an unexpected or difficult pregnancy—the opportunity both to rise to the occasion and grow in virtue AND to rely on the Lord’s generous forgiveness as we begin again. and again. and again.

Which virtue stood out to you most during this series? Where do you feel you are already strong? Where do you feel you most need grace to grow? If you’ve been leaning into practicing one (or more) of these virtues, where have you seen the most fruit?