Be Patient

Week 7: Ten Potty-Training Ways of Being

If you’d like to access the introduction/Table of Contents for this series, you can do so here.

Photo by Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash

Our seventh virtue from our list of the Ten Potty Training Ways of Being is patience. “Patience is a virtue,” my mom said to me countless times when I was a child. As a mother, I’ve found myself repeating this to my toddler without even thinking about it. However, as we enter the thick of the “big feelings” era, I’m finding that I really want to give her more information than that. A dear friend of mind once described patience to her own children as “waiting with joy” and I really like that.

Be patient – The learning curve is not linear. It is a big ole happy mess. So, please be patient with yourself and your baby. You were patient when she learned to walk or use a spoon...so use that skill now.

- Andrea Olson, The Tiny Potty Training Book (affiliate link)

We all know what patience is, more or less. Or, at least, we can describe situations in which we were impatient, lost our cool, or got frustrated in a situation where it was unwarranted or inappropriate. When I googled patience, just out of curiosity to see how they defined it, google told me that patience is, “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Honestly, not a half-bad definition.

Patience is, as we all know, a necessity and an absolute game-changer in any and every interpersonal relationship. Whether it’s a child taking approx. seven years to put on one shoe, a spouse who keeps nagging reminding us that the car needs to be inspected, or a friend who flakes every time we make plans, I think it’s safe to say that there will never be a human relationship that doesn’t require patience now and again.

But by golly, it can be hard to put into practice. Talking about patience is easy enough. Being patient is a whole different ballgame. Being patient consistently requires a lot of awareness, self-regulation, and time. Both in the sense that it takes a long time and practice for us to acquire the fullness of the virtue of patience, and in the sense that it’s just so much easier to be patient if you give yourself an hour to get out of the house instead of five minutes.

Impatience, of course, is the state of getting angry quickly, easily, or in situations that don’t necessarily call for anger (ie, situations that are annoying but not unjust). It’s truly difficult for me to find anything helpful to say about impatience because it is, stereotypically and in real life, probably the most common vice I hear people struggle with.

Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Patience is “waiting with joy”.

Frankly, I don’t think any of us needs a reminder of all the ways in which we could just be more patient in our daily lives. The circumstances that call for patience are plain as day and as common as mosquitos in Texas. So below we’ll be discussing some things we can do to make those inevitable delays, troubles, and sufferings more tolerable. The hope being, of course, that we can practice patience in little moments within our control, so that when we encounter big moments outside of our control, that muscle has already been strengthened.

With ourselves: Keep your to-do list much shorter than you want it to be. If needed, use a four-square grid to prioritize. Build in extra time around each agenda item, especially if you have children. Cultivate an awareness of your body and its needs, and work to meet those needs before they become urgent. Allow yourself to notice the two steps forward, one step back rhythm of growth. Consider journaling to give yourself a written record of your growth. Reflect daily on situations in which you were impatient, notice any common themes, and put structures in place to avoid those situations. Cut back on your screen time and give your nervous system a break daily.

In prayer: Hold yourself accountable to daily prayer. Write down things you’re grateful for, sorry for, prayer intentions, etc. Look back to see the ways the Lord has answered your prayers over time. Trust that He will do so again. Continue to bring your petitions to the Lord daily, even when they feel unanswered. Set realistic prayer goals, and when you (inevitably) still fall short, bring that sense of discouragement to the Lord as your prayer for the next day. Keep showing up.

With children: Keep an eye on their developmental phases. Teach them to breathe deeply by modeling and by asking them to imagine blowing out a candle (or just light a candle and have them blow it out). Add 10-15 minutes of buffer time around your plans so that you aren’t going into a stressful situation already anxious about being late. Accept that you’ll probably be late anyway. Set limits to minimize accidents that you know are likely to provoke you. (These can be age-related or temporary; for example, no open cups while we’re making dinner, but while we’re eating dinner it’s fine.)

With friends: Consider putting a standing or repeating date on the calendar so that you don’t have to constantly worry about scheduling, and so that it’s no big deal if you miss one. Limit time spent with friends or acquaintances who really irritate or provoke you (again, this might just be for a season). If it’s just one or two little things, make a list (mental or written) of things you’re grateful for about that friend. Expand your social circle so that you’re not relying only on one or two people for all your social-emotional needs.

With spouses: Choose a short aspiration or a prayer intention and offer that prayer every time they do something that annoys you. Be active in reminding yourself about times when you’ve done the same thing that your spouse is doing now. Take five minutes or table a discussion for another day if either party is getting too heated or is emotionally checking out. I asked

James Dietz

what his ONE TIP would be, and he said, “Just wait. If you’re upset, then if you can just wait until tomorrow, you’ll be fine tomorrow. Don’t say anything you’re thinking right now, and you can always say it later if you need to.”

Which of the above relationships is easiest (or hardest) for you when it comes to being patient? Do you have any patience “hacks” or habits that give you more room to breathe in stressful situations?