Be Physical (Embodied, Aware)

WEEK 1: Ten Potty Training Ways of Being

If you’d like to access the introduction/Table of Contents for this series, you can do so here.

Photo by Edi Libedinsky on Unsplash

Our first “virtue” from our list of the Ten Potty Training Ways of Being is physicality or embodiedness. As I mentioned in our introduction, I really consider this week’s virtue to be a type of humility. I would probably also say that it is a type of charity. That being said, physicality is certainly not an item that would appear on a traditional list of virtues, so I’m looking forward to exploring in more depth what it looks like to approach our physicality as a virtue.

Be physical – In this method, we are teaching by physical demonstration and moving your child to the potty, by helping every pee go in the potty. Telling is not enough...physically guiding her is the key in the first phase of potty training.

- Andrea Olson, The Tiny Potty Training Book (affiliate link)

We have this little board book that someone gave us at a baby shower called Every Body is a Gift: God Made us to Love. It’s a cute little explanation for young children about what it means to love one another with our bodies in a way that is self-giving:

When my uncle fixes my toy car with his hands, he gives me love. He is a gift!

When I walk with grandma and grandpa with my legs, I give them love. I am a gift!

And so on and so forth.

This is what I mean when I talk about physicality as a virtue. Loving one another in and through our bodies. In the TPT excerpt above, loving our children with our bodies and loving our children in their bodies means acknowledging that, at their age and stage of development, they need the experience of moving, seeing, and feeling rather than simply hearing. Thus, we use our bodies to move their bodies and facilitate their learning that all pee and poop goes in the potty. Simple enough.

Taking a step back to examine the principle behind this example, we see a need to recognize our humanity, which means recognizing that we exist as embodied souls. We give and receive love through the bodies we have received as gift. We also experience bodily needs and limitations, as well as bodily temptations. Our knowledge of the world—indeed, our entire experience of God—is mediated through the physical, and our physicality deeply shapes the way in which we come to see and understand creation and our place in it. Acknowledging and acting from this truth = virtue.¹ Ignoring or rejecting this truth = vice. Being virtuous in our physicality includes both a humble awareness of our needs, limits, and temptations (as well as those of others) and includes choosing to act in loving ways based on that awareness.

When we consider the vice(s) that would be opposite to this brand of humility and charity that we’re calling “physicality”, it quickly becomes obvious that there are a million general and specific ways in which vice could manifest. As Aristotle said in his Nicomachaen Ethics, “men are good in but one way, but bad in many.”² However, I think we can reduce it down to two primary categories, corresponding to the two prongs of the virtue: first, a refusal to acknowledge a person’s physical needs, limits, or temptations, whether that person be ourselves or someone else; second, a habit of refusing to love others or refusing to receive love from other people. In disregarding the integral part our bodies plan in our experience of the world, of relationship, and of faith, we do ourselves (and our wider community) a profound disservice.

Being virtuous in our physicality includes both a humble awareness of our needs, limits, and temptations (as well as those of others) and would include choosing to act in loving ways based on that awareness.

With this understanding, we can move on and discuss some ways in which we can live out this virtue.

I think the simplest answer to the question of “how do we live out this physicality?” is that we must live out the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. Feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty. Visiting the sick, comforting the afflicted. So much of what we talk about here at Whole and Holy is directed towards how we can love one another in and through our bodies. But leaving it there feels like a bit of a cop-out, so let’s go through a few specific examples.

With ourselves: Eat and drink in moderation, with awareness of areas where you are often tempted to gluttony or laziness. Exercise regularly according to your body’s needs and limits. Avoid “revenge bedtime procrastination” and support your sleep needs. Engage in restful and refreshing recreation. Rest on Sundays (or, if necessary, on another “Sabbath” day). Get rid of stuff. Designate locations for important items, and return those items to those locations after using them. Don’t use your phone in bed. Avoid books or movies that tempt you to sin. Give your nervous system a break when you feel overstimulated or anxious.

In prayer: Select times for prayer when you are at your most attentive. Embrace tangible prayer tools - a rosary, a veil, a book, etc. Embrace postures in prayer - standing, kneeling, sitting, bowing. Fast if you’re able to (which, when done faithfully, keeps the physical body rightly-ordered). Abstain from a non-food good if you can’t do a traditional fast. Walk the Stations of the Cross at your parish. Pray in an outdoor, natural setting. Sing or listen to sacred music. Light a candle or some incense.

With children: Acknowledge their need to move and touch and chatter. Select age-appropriate prayers and set reasonable expectations. Sit at the front of the church and allow them to experience the smells and bells. Feed them nourishing meals and keep them hydrated during the summer. Give them plenty of time and space to run, develop skills, and engage in child-led play. Kneel down and speak to them on their level. Don’t over-explain. Hug them, tickle them, and give them lots of affection. Encourage them to sleep an appropriate amount for their age.

With friends: Share a meal or a cup of coffee. Play a board game or card game. Go for a walk or a drive. Text your neighbor who lives alone. Bring a meal to a new parent or a sick friend. Allow yourself to receive care even you don’t “need it”. Let the HEB attendant put your groceries in your car. Go to one another’s homes and help with chores or childcare. Drive them to the airport. Listen attentively. Share a band-aid or a Tylenol or a pad. Wet a washcloth for their neck when it’s a million degrees outside. Avoid topics of conversation that lead to gossip or vices.

With spouses: Hug and kiss. Give a gentle back rub or pat as you walk past. Pack one another’s lunches. Have dinner ready when they get home. Tag-team moments of overwhelm or high emotion. Fetch their medicine and a glass of water. Help with work-related tasks. Give them your attention during “your” free time. Give her a break when she feels touched out. Stretch yourself to be affectionate when you feel touched out. Let him be a man. Let her be a woman. Anticipate and respect the differences that stem from biology and psychology.

This is, of course, a non-exhaustive list, and not every action mentioned will be appropriate in every moment or every season. But I hope that it gets your gears turning as you examine the ways in which you and your family already embrace the embodied-ness that is our birthright as humans, and the ways in which you can continue to acknowledge and honor that reality more fully moving forward. I encourage you to pick one or two things (from this list or from your own prayer) to work on over the coming week that will have the most profound impact. The most bang for your buck, if you will.

Do you see “being physical” as primarily an act of humility or primarily an act of charity? Is there anything on this list that resonates with you? What is one thing you can do this week to grow in this virtue?

1. I’ve talked a little bit about this concept before (click here) and hope to continue to write individual essays on particular manifestations or situations that require this awareness, as it’s one that I feel deeply passionate about.

2. Book 2, Chapter 6, in the section on virtue as the mean.