This is lovely. Reading in Urgent Care with a toddler with possible tibial fracture. Carrying around a 2 year old (who is not my youngest) doesn’t sound appealing this week. Lol. Last year, I was heavily pregnant during Holy Week, plus four other young children. My husband is our pastor so, yeah, it was hard to handle all the limbs both without and within me during worship. I stayed home for the Great Vigil last year, which broke my heart a bit, but I am thankful for a husband who reminds me that the children are my holy work.
Be encouraged, you really are in the hardest years of getting to and through worship. We are all learning and growing together, and anyone who has forgotten that and stares without offering to help…well they need you to be there as a reminder of who we all are before our Savior: wiggly and often missing His intended point, but dearly beloved and His children all the same.
Maybe it's not the "right" thing to do, but we observe a lot of Holy Week at home. Holy Thursday we watch Prince of Egypt, have lamb for dinner, and talk about the Passover and last supper with the kids. Good Friday, we go walk around a local outdoor stations of the cross. We just in the past two years have started going to Easter Vigil mass (at this point, we're still saving all our energy for surviving ONE unusual mass-- kids will always struggle a bit more when there's a disruption in routine), but before we were at a point we could do that, we watched The Miracle Maker in the evening (best family friendly Jesus movie ever...and free on YouTube!), ate party food, and lit /said a prayer over our own Paschal fire (in our grill outside )and lit our own Paschal candle (a glass encased white prayer candle we bought at HEB and I painted) that we kept lit until kids were asleep.
All this to say...yes, rowdy kids belong at mass too, but it's ok not to do all the Church things, and you can observe things and be reverent at home too. It's all seasons of life, and it's ok to change what you're doing during them.
And your little girl sounds like an amazing kid. ❤️ In my experience (three kids of my own and helping raise my eight younger brothers) the wild, highly experiential ones turn out to be crazy intelligent and creative down the line.
This is something I totally meant to add and forgot! Sometimes what the Lord is asking us is to give up our desperate desire to control our Holy Week experience and make it look a certain way in exactly the ways you mention here! Certainly there will be years when He asks us to push through and go even when it’s hard, but there are also years where the grasping so tightly at what the week “should” look like blinds us to the graces He actually wants to give us! Love love love hearing how y’all observe Holy Week—I’ve been pondering what we’ll do this year, and you’ve given me a lot to consider!
Absolutely yes. I haven't been to an Easter Vigil mass in 9 years because it just isn't going to work for us in this season. You are spot on. Sometimes it's going to look simpler. We are still in the simple lent/Holy Week season. Love this
Mothering is hard. I remember lots of mistakes and words I regret and embarrassment I felt when mine were small. Then I look to the Father who loves me in my tantrums and misbehavings, allowing me to feel the things and grow.
This too shall pass. The child who runs amok may change the world someday. Or not. But that same child will remember that you loved her through all the seasons.
“Then I look to the Father who loves me in my tantrums and misbehavings, allowing me to feel the things and grow.” This is beautiful, Stephanie! We are all children before the Lord, and there’s such humility and grace in remembering that.
I read this at the exact moment I needed to. Decided to take the 3 year old and 7month old to weekday mass yesterday, thinking it would be lovely for us all to be closer to Jesus this week (after some really awful nights sleep). Was late (obviously), dropped our muslin in the pouring rain on the way in (forgot our coats as well so absolutely soaked through), baby pooed (very loudly) the second we sat down in the pews, no changing table so was ushered to change him on the grotty floor of the toilets, then 1.5hrs of ups and downs, being a climbing frame, constant on/off breastfeeding next to grumpy judgemental nuns as baby was too distracted by the organ to feed properly, all whilst being vomitted on constantly by the (now overtired) baby, with no muslin to clean up. Finally made it through mass by the skin of our teeth, 3yo unbuckled herself 3 times on the drive home, all whilst baby was screaming at the top of his lungs. I found myself asking God if he was punishing me for going to mass! Cried when I got home and husband asked me what was for lunch. 🤯
The ONLY reason doing any of this makes ANY sense is that God is real and present in mass 😂
Oh sweet Eleanor, I felt this in my *bones*. Praying for you during this season (both liturgical and motherhood) when we want so desperately to throw our children and ourselves at the Lord’s feet at Mass with reckless abandon, and yet we have to be so discerning and selective about the ways and times in which we do so. It’s an art and a dance and a beautiful hot mess, isn’t it 😂
Please know I'll be thinking of you and your sweet family during any of the obligatory liturgies we make it to this triduum (and while we are staying home). It's trite to say this stage is not forever, but I really don't think it is... also, fear not the "split," as in, one of you sane people (parents 🙃) gets to attend Holy Thursday or Tenebrae or the Veneration etc. and the other stays home. 💖
An incredibly refreshing reflection, Sara. A reminder to myself that we ought not choose the cross we carry, but receive whatever it is from the Lord and trust that it is good.
This story brought up a lot of memories. My aunt was a cloistered Carmelite Nun in Carmel, CA. Many trips to the monastery…being in places that intrigued as well as scared me. Holy week…I could go on.
Thx for sharing. You are my 79th story in this circle :)
Thank you for this post! One of the perks of waiting a long long time for a baby is that I have experienced so many beautiful Holy Weeks and other feasts already — had the blessing of simply absorbing it all. Now with a toddler, I can come late and leave early and miss crucial moments without the guilt and frustration that I see so many younger moms carrying. (Don’t worry. I still have some! Just not as heavy a load.) I try to keep a few firm rules: no yelling, no snacks, no dresses above your head. 😂 For the rest I pray, Lord have mercy — on us and on anyone else who is displeased with our behavior.
Oh bless your heart, it's tough. Your daughters sound delightful though! I wish I knew you so I could offer to babysit while you went to the Holy Week services - that sounds a bit weird as I don't know you, but if I'm ever a grandmother my pledge is to be the official giver of breaks to the parents - I can remember needing a break so very well. Parents need more rest and more time to think! Mass/Church is for everyone - and who needs it more than parents?
Thank you, Emma! I feel really strongly that parenting is THE most important job yet in our culture we just let parents get on with it - and it's 24/7. At the same time we judge people who aren't parenting well. And we also expect children to be quiet in the strangest of places (like churches and supermarkets) when often the sensory load is quite significant. Sorry, I'm ranting here! But I remember so vividly just wanting to drink a coffee that was hot (not tepid) and eat a meal that was at least warm. My heart goes out to parents of young children.
Our elderly bishop visited recently and reminded us all that “children have a right to be children in church”. There’s easily 75 of them in a parish of less than 200, so it is usually a little loud! If parishioners are giving you the stink eye, they are not focused on the appropriate things anyway. Poor them.
This is lovely. Reading in Urgent Care with a toddler with possible tibial fracture. Carrying around a 2 year old (who is not my youngest) doesn’t sound appealing this week. Lol. Last year, I was heavily pregnant during Holy Week, plus four other young children. My husband is our pastor so, yeah, it was hard to handle all the limbs both without and within me during worship. I stayed home for the Great Vigil last year, which broke my heart a bit, but I am thankful for a husband who reminds me that the children are my holy work.
Be encouraged, you really are in the hardest years of getting to and through worship. We are all learning and growing together, and anyone who has forgotten that and stares without offering to help…well they need you to be there as a reminder of who we all are before our Savior: wiggly and often missing His intended point, but dearly beloved and His children all the same.
Maybe it's not the "right" thing to do, but we observe a lot of Holy Week at home. Holy Thursday we watch Prince of Egypt, have lamb for dinner, and talk about the Passover and last supper with the kids. Good Friday, we go walk around a local outdoor stations of the cross. We just in the past two years have started going to Easter Vigil mass (at this point, we're still saving all our energy for surviving ONE unusual mass-- kids will always struggle a bit more when there's a disruption in routine), but before we were at a point we could do that, we watched The Miracle Maker in the evening (best family friendly Jesus movie ever...and free on YouTube!), ate party food, and lit /said a prayer over our own Paschal fire (in our grill outside )and lit our own Paschal candle (a glass encased white prayer candle we bought at HEB and I painted) that we kept lit until kids were asleep.
All this to say...yes, rowdy kids belong at mass too, but it's ok not to do all the Church things, and you can observe things and be reverent at home too. It's all seasons of life, and it's ok to change what you're doing during them.
And your little girl sounds like an amazing kid. ❤️ In my experience (three kids of my own and helping raise my eight younger brothers) the wild, highly experiential ones turn out to be crazy intelligent and creative down the line.
This is something I totally meant to add and forgot! Sometimes what the Lord is asking us is to give up our desperate desire to control our Holy Week experience and make it look a certain way in exactly the ways you mention here! Certainly there will be years when He asks us to push through and go even when it’s hard, but there are also years where the grasping so tightly at what the week “should” look like blinds us to the graces He actually wants to give us! Love love love hearing how y’all observe Holy Week—I’ve been pondering what we’ll do this year, and you’ve given me a lot to consider!
Absolutely yes. I haven't been to an Easter Vigil mass in 9 years because it just isn't going to work for us in this season. You are spot on. Sometimes it's going to look simpler. We are still in the simple lent/Holy Week season. Love this
Mothering is hard. I remember lots of mistakes and words I regret and embarrassment I felt when mine were small. Then I look to the Father who loves me in my tantrums and misbehavings, allowing me to feel the things and grow.
This too shall pass. The child who runs amok may change the world someday. Or not. But that same child will remember that you loved her through all the seasons.
Sometimes that is enough.
“Then I look to the Father who loves me in my tantrums and misbehavings, allowing me to feel the things and grow.” This is beautiful, Stephanie! We are all children before the Lord, and there’s such humility and grace in remembering that.
Amen to all this! To all the wild children and their mothers and what they show us about Jesus' love for us!
I read this at the exact moment I needed to. Decided to take the 3 year old and 7month old to weekday mass yesterday, thinking it would be lovely for us all to be closer to Jesus this week (after some really awful nights sleep). Was late (obviously), dropped our muslin in the pouring rain on the way in (forgot our coats as well so absolutely soaked through), baby pooed (very loudly) the second we sat down in the pews, no changing table so was ushered to change him on the grotty floor of the toilets, then 1.5hrs of ups and downs, being a climbing frame, constant on/off breastfeeding next to grumpy judgemental nuns as baby was too distracted by the organ to feed properly, all whilst being vomitted on constantly by the (now overtired) baby, with no muslin to clean up. Finally made it through mass by the skin of our teeth, 3yo unbuckled herself 3 times on the drive home, all whilst baby was screaming at the top of his lungs. I found myself asking God if he was punishing me for going to mass! Cried when I got home and husband asked me what was for lunch. 🤯
The ONLY reason doing any of this makes ANY sense is that God is real and present in mass 😂
Oh sweet Eleanor, I felt this in my *bones*. Praying for you during this season (both liturgical and motherhood) when we want so desperately to throw our children and ourselves at the Lord’s feet at Mass with reckless abandon, and yet we have to be so discerning and selective about the ways and times in which we do so. It’s an art and a dance and a beautiful hot mess, isn’t it 😂
Thank you! A dance is the perfect way to describe it, one where no one knows all the right moves! 😂
Wishing you and your family a joyous Easter Triduum!
Purple beanie baby situation is *too real.*
Please know I'll be thinking of you and your sweet family during any of the obligatory liturgies we make it to this triduum (and while we are staying home). It's trite to say this stage is not forever, but I really don't think it is... also, fear not the "split," as in, one of you sane people (parents 🙃) gets to attend Holy Thursday or Tenebrae or the Veneration etc. and the other stays home. 💖
Yes! Split is high on my list of things to consider this year, and maaaaaaybe bringing the big one for one of the liturgies.
also I did mean "non-obligatory" lol wowwwww.
The fact that Easter is always on a Sunday (and therefore a day we go to mass) is a blessing for people like me, clearly 🙃
An incredibly refreshing reflection, Sara. A reminder to myself that we ought not choose the cross we carry, but receive whatever it is from the Lord and trust that it is good.
This story brought up a lot of memories. My aunt was a cloistered Carmelite Nun in Carmel, CA. Many trips to the monastery…being in places that intrigued as well as scared me. Holy week…I could go on.
Thx for sharing. You are my 79th story in this circle :)
Thank you for this post! One of the perks of waiting a long long time for a baby is that I have experienced so many beautiful Holy Weeks and other feasts already — had the blessing of simply absorbing it all. Now with a toddler, I can come late and leave early and miss crucial moments without the guilt and frustration that I see so many younger moms carrying. (Don’t worry. I still have some! Just not as heavy a load.) I try to keep a few firm rules: no yelling, no snacks, no dresses above your head. 😂 For the rest I pray, Lord have mercy — on us and on anyone else who is displeased with our behavior.
Hahahaha your three rules sound so familiar 😂 happy Easter, Emily!
Oh bless your heart, it's tough. Your daughters sound delightful though! I wish I knew you so I could offer to babysit while you went to the Holy Week services - that sounds a bit weird as I don't know you, but if I'm ever a grandmother my pledge is to be the official giver of breaks to the parents - I can remember needing a break so very well. Parents need more rest and more time to think! Mass/Church is for everyone - and who needs it more than parents?
Thank you, Emma! I feel really strongly that parenting is THE most important job yet in our culture we just let parents get on with it - and it's 24/7. At the same time we judge people who aren't parenting well. And we also expect children to be quiet in the strangest of places (like churches and supermarkets) when often the sensory load is quite significant. Sorry, I'm ranting here! But I remember so vividly just wanting to drink a coffee that was hot (not tepid) and eat a meal that was at least warm. My heart goes out to parents of young children.
Our elderly bishop visited recently and reminded us all that “children have a right to be children in church”. There’s easily 75 of them in a parish of less than 200, so it is usually a little loud! If parishioners are giving you the stink eye, they are not focused on the appropriate things anyway. Poor them.
We’re Orthodox and the priest alone has 11 children, so that does a lot to set the tone, haha!
Thank you for your words. We had a moment of humiliation by our kids behavior this week at church. It’s helpful to know we aren’t alone.
Thank you. I really needed these words this week, in a variety of ways.