I jumped on the paleo/whole 30 bandwagon after being diagnosed with endometriosis. And it created so much anxiety and stress that I had never experienced before. So then as soon as I got pregnant, I ate without any care. Then I leavened into intuitive eating and protein rich breakfasts. And now I’m back to a bowl of cereal for breakfast. When I remember, I use the cue from the Blessed is She planner “this is holy ground” as I’m trying to feed my family and myself. I’ve also been praying more about fasting and ways to fast instead of relying on food for comfort so often.
Yes, I think this anxiety is part of why it's important to know whether the potential benefit is worth it before starting in on any of these things. I get frustrated by the trendiness of these things, and by how much they're peddled as a cure all. For many people they do help (a Whole30 was the first time I didn't have stomach aches in 10 years) but I think they often demonize food unnecessarily and create a lot of fear. Then people don't use it as a short term elimination diet and diagnostic tool (this was my mistake!) and stay on it long term, which really can cause issues. So it's just hard to find a balance between the real therapeutic benefit of things like cutting gluten and dairy which have a more measured track record, and other protocols that might work for some people and be a terrible fit for others.
I totally agree! I broke out in hives from eating so many eggs! What I really need is to support my liver. This conversation moved me to make a cup of mint tea. Something simple to help my hormones that I don’t mind but also don’t love like a cup of coffee
Thanks, Kerri! It's one of those formidable topics -- a bit of a minefield. But I also think it's important to talk about both the physical and emotional impacts of food.
Mar 4Liked by Sara Dietz, Annelise Roberts, Dixie Dillon Lane
the psychological impact definitely is real! the struggle i have right now is being in that place mentally of being So Over It, but physically not well enough to pull back - yet. all to say, this is a great article on a great topic, and thank you ladies for tackling it!
Sounds like you're worn out with the restrictions...I completely understand that feeling. I hope you can find places where you *can* adjust and loosen up so that you're not tempted to just throw in the towel and then get sick!
Something so important to talk about. I can relate to a lot of this, going through similar food related struggles /emotions in early 20’s… it was so hard but I’m grateful for the healing and what that time continues to teach me. Thank you all!
“don’t even get me started on the mom guilt about how my potentially limited diet could have caused some of this”
This sentence really hit home for me. I’m gluten and lactose intolerant and allergic to certain fruits, and I’ve lately found myself wondering if my potential future children will inherit a bad gene pool from me when it comes to the foods they can eat. I’m afraid that they may inherit my intolerances and allergies or that they won’t want to eat normal food because their mother doesn’t. The anxiety is real, heh, but it’s reassuring to remember that I wouldn’t be the only mom with a restricted diet.
As an addendum to Dixie’s comment, I really understand this. But, what I’ve come to realize is that my own struggles with chronic health things actually equipped me to be in a much better and more knowledgeable place to deal with the struggles my children face. Of course I worry about the outcomes, every mother does, but God gives us the children that we are supposed to have and the graces we need to parent them. And I have to remind myself that this can look very different for each family.
I'm sorry you have this worry, Chantal! I think it's quite a normal one among people with dietary restrictions. I want to encourage you, though, that actually most mothers (all?) worry that something they are doing or something about their bodies will somehow harm their kiddoes in utero or after. Shoot, I had severe morning sickness and years later an occupational therapist told me that my lack of movement during pregnancy probably caused my kids' balance issues.
But you know what? Everything about us affects our kids, and it is meant to be this way. It's all right. You will also bring lots of gifts to motherhood when you become a mother! You don't have to be a perfect mom. You're not supposed to be.
Wow, as someone who's had eating issues since early childhood (according to my mother), this is so fascinating. I went from just not being interested in food as a kid, to full-blown anorexia as a preteen, right into a decade of living off Smartfood popcorn and broccoli. Then vegan and vegetarian and a host of other diets that made my life a living hell and didn't make me healthy. Back then anorexia wasn't even talked about, and therapy was considered a weird fad for crazy people. Despite understanding that stress is a huge factor in health, I still (at 58) get caught up in restricting diets. It's so hard to navigate my distrust of the medical establishment and the wild west of do-it-yourself care.
I have six adult children who somehow managed to have pretty good relationships with food so I wonder if it's because their childhood traumas were different from mine.
Yes, I think it’s hard to reckon with how much trauma can impact our bodies. Reading “The Body Keeps the Score” was a bit of a turning point for me in having some of these things I knew in my body validated as something that others had proven were real. If you look at the correlation between ACE scores and chronic illness it’s very closely connected, and then I think when you have the cultural messaging around food and bodies on top of the very natural tendency to use it as a coping mechanism it gets really complicated, and quickly. I’m still struggling through my own desire to blame any flare symptom on food. It’s hard! Because food feels like something I could control, when a flare triggered by a hard anniversary is not…
It's funny that after this many years I never really thought about the triggers being other than food for myself. I see this with our daughter who's mother abandoned her in April. Every April she has a flare up of mental health issues.
Is the book scary? I think some of my eating issues have always been about being afraid of getting diseases. It's then so easy to start worrying that it's already too late and the mistakes have already been made. New Age ideas were a part of my past so the temptation is to believe I am responsible for everything.
Me, too. That book made a tremendous difference to me. I also recently ordered Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No" and I am looking forward to learning more from it.
It could just be as simple as them thinking they don't want to be psychos like their mother. LOL. One of the positive things I think I did with my children was allow them to question things and grow into unique individuals. I wasn't threatened by that. I grew up in a house where there was a ton of love, but also unpredictability and shame. Every once in a while I go through a season of reexamining these things. My husband is on the carnivore diet and it's a huge temptation for me to experiment (but then fall down a dark hole. Maybe I'll buy that book. :)
Ah! hah. i have a slew of history with food. from the other end, i was in my mid to late twenties before i realised that what i was putting in my body affected the way that i feel. then when i got married and had my first, his food intolerances exploded at two weeks old - we were gluten-free way before it was trendy, cool, and relatively easy to find substitutes. then later when other kids had other health issues sometimes it was just a matter of getting kids to eat. and now i also have autoimmune issues, and i do try to be careful what i put in my body - but i have also really been wrestling with the feeling of “food is the enemy.” if i eat certain things, i will guaranteed be in bed with a fierce migraine the next day. so this is all very interesting, and very relevant to me. lots to ponder.
It's such a puzzle, because food *does* affect how we feel, and things like gluten intolerances *are* real, and yet it's all so fuzzy when you're trying to actually figure out approaches to eating and feeding others. It's really hard to untangle what is something that needs careful attention and strict avoidance versus something on which you need to loosen the reins.
I was honestly shocked when I realized gluten had become a control issue/obsession for me, because it was a real health need for a long time. But that real health need also fed into my desire to control food/body overall...augh, what a mess.
Because as you say, food is not the enemy, and yet sometimes food *does* cause the migraine...
Yes!!! right now for me, i wish i could ignore All the Diet things. i wish i could eat a gluteny sugary donut every Sunday after Mass. i wish i could discard it all! for me, i think the struggle is to look at food as nourishing myself, and i think if i scratch the surface then there probably are a lot of issues underlying the difficulties in viewing food as nourishing - and i do think part of it is seeing people who are super controlling about food and then the opposite, people who refuse to acknowledge any sort of dietary limits whatsoever and do have bad consequences. it’s really a hard balance in this broken world!
and on the other hand: i know people who control and who actually have healed serious acute or chronic illnesses through diet. it really is real. and my son? after being tyrannical for a long time, he is able to eat just about anything. but my other son really cannot. also, it is true that a lot of the foods that are available to us are so far removed from what God created … it’s a whole ecosystem, this relationship with food, and the whole thing is so broken. trying to eat in ways that not only are contributing to the health of my family but also honoring God’s creation - i think that is important. as Christians, we were given the command to steward creation even before Eve was created! sorry - i feel very strongly about it 😅 and i also think that the hyper-hybridisation of wheat to cause so many gluten issues is not an accident, when Christ called Himself the Bread of Life. Eeek! okay i’m stopping now!
I 100% understand this struggle. Because I HAVE managed chronic illness, and well, with diet for over 5 years now, but it's also to the point where I'm trying to edge back towards a middle ground. The psychological impact of it is real. And I do agree that the food quality has so much bearing on why we're not able to eat freely of foods that have sustained life for so many generations. So, the best I can do is the best I can do. Like you I have children with varying levels of sensitivity, so I try to keep everyone healthy without being obsessive or succumbing to fear mongering.
It feels so strange to not be able to eat foods that people have always eaten. The idea of not being able to eat bread is so upsetting. It doesn't make sense until you think about how many different thing our bodies are exposed to, both through food and through environment, products, etc., that have not been part of the human experience over the centuries.
Hahaha! Yes, food is complex and part of the fallen world as well as part of God's gift to us. It's so hard to make good judgments when there are so many factors and food is such an obsession in our society.
I jumped on the paleo/whole 30 bandwagon after being diagnosed with endometriosis. And it created so much anxiety and stress that I had never experienced before. So then as soon as I got pregnant, I ate without any care. Then I leavened into intuitive eating and protein rich breakfasts. And now I’m back to a bowl of cereal for breakfast. When I remember, I use the cue from the Blessed is She planner “this is holy ground” as I’m trying to feed my family and myself. I’ve also been praying more about fasting and ways to fast instead of relying on food for comfort so often.
Yes, I think this anxiety is part of why it's important to know whether the potential benefit is worth it before starting in on any of these things. I get frustrated by the trendiness of these things, and by how much they're peddled as a cure all. For many people they do help (a Whole30 was the first time I didn't have stomach aches in 10 years) but I think they often demonize food unnecessarily and create a lot of fear. Then people don't use it as a short term elimination diet and diagnostic tool (this was my mistake!) and stay on it long term, which really can cause issues. So it's just hard to find a balance between the real therapeutic benefit of things like cutting gluten and dairy which have a more measured track record, and other protocols that might work for some people and be a terrible fit for others.
I totally agree! I broke out in hives from eating so many eggs! What I really need is to support my liver. This conversation moved me to make a cup of mint tea. Something simple to help my hormones that I don’t mind but also don’t love like a cup of coffee
*leaned into
That is so beautiful: "this is holy ground." I'm glad you have been able to adjust your eating as needed as you go through life!
Really glad you guys are doing this series. So much food for thought! haha.
Well done. The pun potential was high on this one.
IJUSTCOULDN'TRESIST
This is why we're friends!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience, ladies! There’s so much good stuff in here.
Thanks, Kerri! It's one of those formidable topics -- a bit of a minefield. But I also think it's important to talk about both the physical and emotional impacts of food.
Thanks, Kerri! I know you've had a lot of experience with food restrictions--that doesn't make it any easier, that's for sure.
the psychological impact definitely is real! the struggle i have right now is being in that place mentally of being So Over It, but physically not well enough to pull back - yet. all to say, this is a great article on a great topic, and thank you ladies for tackling it!
Sounds like you're worn out with the restrictions...I completely understand that feeling. I hope you can find places where you *can* adjust and loosen up so that you're not tempted to just throw in the towel and then get sick!
Something so important to talk about. I can relate to a lot of this, going through similar food related struggles /emotions in early 20’s… it was so hard but I’m grateful for the healing and what that time continues to teach me. Thank you all!
Thank you, Julie! So glad our words were relatable.
“don’t even get me started on the mom guilt about how my potentially limited diet could have caused some of this”
This sentence really hit home for me. I’m gluten and lactose intolerant and allergic to certain fruits, and I’ve lately found myself wondering if my potential future children will inherit a bad gene pool from me when it comes to the foods they can eat. I’m afraid that they may inherit my intolerances and allergies or that they won’t want to eat normal food because their mother doesn’t. The anxiety is real, heh, but it’s reassuring to remember that I wouldn’t be the only mom with a restricted diet.
As an addendum to Dixie’s comment, I really understand this. But, what I’ve come to realize is that my own struggles with chronic health things actually equipped me to be in a much better and more knowledgeable place to deal with the struggles my children face. Of course I worry about the outcomes, every mother does, but God gives us the children that we are supposed to have and the graces we need to parent them. And I have to remind myself that this can look very different for each family.
I'm sorry you have this worry, Chantal! I think it's quite a normal one among people with dietary restrictions. I want to encourage you, though, that actually most mothers (all?) worry that something they are doing or something about their bodies will somehow harm their kiddoes in utero or after. Shoot, I had severe morning sickness and years later an occupational therapist told me that my lack of movement during pregnancy probably caused my kids' balance issues.
But you know what? Everything about us affects our kids, and it is meant to be this way. It's all right. You will also bring lots of gifts to motherhood when you become a mother! You don't have to be a perfect mom. You're not supposed to be.
This is so beautifully consoling. Thank you for this; it means more than you know. May God bless you for your kindness!
Wow, as someone who's had eating issues since early childhood (according to my mother), this is so fascinating. I went from just not being interested in food as a kid, to full-blown anorexia as a preteen, right into a decade of living off Smartfood popcorn and broccoli. Then vegan and vegetarian and a host of other diets that made my life a living hell and didn't make me healthy. Back then anorexia wasn't even talked about, and therapy was considered a weird fad for crazy people. Despite understanding that stress is a huge factor in health, I still (at 58) get caught up in restricting diets. It's so hard to navigate my distrust of the medical establishment and the wild west of do-it-yourself care.
I have six adult children who somehow managed to have pretty good relationships with food so I wonder if it's because their childhood traumas were different from mine.
Yes, I think it’s hard to reckon with how much trauma can impact our bodies. Reading “The Body Keeps the Score” was a bit of a turning point for me in having some of these things I knew in my body validated as something that others had proven were real. If you look at the correlation between ACE scores and chronic illness it’s very closely connected, and then I think when you have the cultural messaging around food and bodies on top of the very natural tendency to use it as a coping mechanism it gets really complicated, and quickly. I’m still struggling through my own desire to blame any flare symptom on food. It’s hard! Because food feels like something I could control, when a flare triggered by a hard anniversary is not…
It's funny that after this many years I never really thought about the triggers being other than food for myself. I see this with our daughter who's mother abandoned her in April. Every April she has a flare up of mental health issues.
Is the book scary? I think some of my eating issues have always been about being afraid of getting diseases. It's then so easy to start worrying that it's already too late and the mistakes have already been made. New Age ideas were a part of my past so the temptation is to believe I am responsible for everything.
No, it's not scary. It *is* a lot of information, though.
For me it was a relief -- it explains that there are *causes* of what you are experiencing. It gave me hope.
Me, too. That book made a tremendous difference to me. I also recently ordered Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No" and I am looking forward to learning more from it.
I'm so sorry you have gone through all of this, Adrienne. It is hard to navigate the wild west! There are swindlers everywhere, out to getcha.
It is a beautiful accomplishment that you have given your children a healthy relationship with food despite your own hardships!
It could just be as simple as them thinking they don't want to be psychos like their mother. LOL. One of the positive things I think I did with my children was allow them to question things and grow into unique individuals. I wasn't threatened by that. I grew up in a house where there was a ton of love, but also unpredictability and shame. Every once in a while I go through a season of reexamining these things. My husband is on the carnivore diet and it's a huge temptation for me to experiment (but then fall down a dark hole. Maybe I'll buy that book. :)
🤣🤣🤣 "Mom: A Cautionary Tale"
Even if that's all we can manage, I think the Holy Spirit can work with it!
Ah! hah. i have a slew of history with food. from the other end, i was in my mid to late twenties before i realised that what i was putting in my body affected the way that i feel. then when i got married and had my first, his food intolerances exploded at two weeks old - we were gluten-free way before it was trendy, cool, and relatively easy to find substitutes. then later when other kids had other health issues sometimes it was just a matter of getting kids to eat. and now i also have autoimmune issues, and i do try to be careful what i put in my body - but i have also really been wrestling with the feeling of “food is the enemy.” if i eat certain things, i will guaranteed be in bed with a fierce migraine the next day. so this is all very interesting, and very relevant to me. lots to ponder.
It's such a puzzle, because food *does* affect how we feel, and things like gluten intolerances *are* real, and yet it's all so fuzzy when you're trying to actually figure out approaches to eating and feeding others. It's really hard to untangle what is something that needs careful attention and strict avoidance versus something on which you need to loosen the reins.
I was honestly shocked when I realized gluten had become a control issue/obsession for me, because it was a real health need for a long time. But that real health need also fed into my desire to control food/body overall...augh, what a mess.
Because as you say, food is not the enemy, and yet sometimes food *does* cause the migraine...
Yes!!! right now for me, i wish i could ignore All the Diet things. i wish i could eat a gluteny sugary donut every Sunday after Mass. i wish i could discard it all! for me, i think the struggle is to look at food as nourishing myself, and i think if i scratch the surface then there probably are a lot of issues underlying the difficulties in viewing food as nourishing - and i do think part of it is seeing people who are super controlling about food and then the opposite, people who refuse to acknowledge any sort of dietary limits whatsoever and do have bad consequences. it’s really a hard balance in this broken world!
and on the other hand: i know people who control and who actually have healed serious acute or chronic illnesses through diet. it really is real. and my son? after being tyrannical for a long time, he is able to eat just about anything. but my other son really cannot. also, it is true that a lot of the foods that are available to us are so far removed from what God created … it’s a whole ecosystem, this relationship with food, and the whole thing is so broken. trying to eat in ways that not only are contributing to the health of my family but also honoring God’s creation - i think that is important. as Christians, we were given the command to steward creation even before Eve was created! sorry - i feel very strongly about it 😅 and i also think that the hyper-hybridisation of wheat to cause so many gluten issues is not an accident, when Christ called Himself the Bread of Life. Eeek! okay i’m stopping now!
I 100% understand this struggle. Because I HAVE managed chronic illness, and well, with diet for over 5 years now, but it's also to the point where I'm trying to edge back towards a middle ground. The psychological impact of it is real. And I do agree that the food quality has so much bearing on why we're not able to eat freely of foods that have sustained life for so many generations. So, the best I can do is the best I can do. Like you I have children with varying levels of sensitivity, so I try to keep everyone healthy without being obsessive or succumbing to fear mongering.
It feels so strange to not be able to eat foods that people have always eaten. The idea of not being able to eat bread is so upsetting. It doesn't make sense until you think about how many different thing our bodies are exposed to, both through food and through environment, products, etc., that have not been part of the human experience over the centuries.
Hahaha! Yes, food is complex and part of the fallen world as well as part of God's gift to us. It's so hard to make good judgments when there are so many factors and food is such an obsession in our society.