Appreciated this article so much, Sara! It's true that I can fall into the trap of thinking my spouse or kids (or anyone) knows what I need/want/am thinking, when in reality I need to express myself and communicate that. I love how her teachings were less about controlling/coaching your kids, and more about self-awareness and personal growth.
This is amazing. What deep and beautiful explanations!
I was especially struck by the first point, that "We will continue to communicate until we are heard." I think an argument could be made that many mental health wounds come from not being heard for years on end. When it goes on and on, the "cry" to be heard becomes louder and louder. But that cry can come out in mysterious ways whose connections to the emotional or mental health need is not always obvious. It may only be noticed through therapy or deep reflection.
I'm thinking in particular about the book The Body Keeps the Score and the way that your body can start to have physical reactions in order to tell you and those around you that something is emotionally wrong.
And thank you for mentioning my tech in the family article! You have gotten me thinking about other coping strategies I use that may not be as healthy as meeting needs directly would be.
Thank you, sweet friend! I’ve definitely learned so much about my own behavior from this course (and about my children!) and am really trying to put these things into practice in our home. It’s a much more merciful approach to family life (without, I think, losing the justice so much as the harshness).
It’s fascinating you bring this up—I just read an article about a woman whose chronic back pain disappeared when she dealt with some deeply-buried emotions. A fascinating topic. (Language warning.)
I am not kidding when I say that my 5-year, incapacitating chronic inflammation in my wrists and hands started healing when I started dating my husband. And then when I was pregnant for the first time it went away completely. Feeling loved doesn't fix all physical pain, but if the physical pain is related to feeling dismissed...
This is wild! When I read your comment, I remembered the time that I gave myself/got a bible cyst in my right wrist. At the time, I assumed it was from shaking my hand repeatedly as a somewhat dysfunctional coping mechanism for the anxiety/panic I was experiencing at the Latin Mass at that time (I think I've mentioned this before? There was a lot of healing that needed to happen.) It eventually went away on its own--now you've got me wondering if its disappearance was at all correlated in time with the healing that came through security in mine and James' relationship, and the friendships we formed within our TLM community at our parish...
Appreciated this article so much, Sara! It's true that I can fall into the trap of thinking my spouse or kids (or anyone) knows what I need/want/am thinking, when in reality I need to express myself and communicate that. I love how her teachings were less about controlling/coaching your kids, and more about self-awareness and personal growth.
I love her stuff! Saving this to read later!
Yay! She’s an absolute delight.
Sara, this reflection goes so deep and there's so much to chew on. I really appreciate it.
This is amazing. What deep and beautiful explanations!
I was especially struck by the first point, that "We will continue to communicate until we are heard." I think an argument could be made that many mental health wounds come from not being heard for years on end. When it goes on and on, the "cry" to be heard becomes louder and louder. But that cry can come out in mysterious ways whose connections to the emotional or mental health need is not always obvious. It may only be noticed through therapy or deep reflection.
I'm thinking in particular about the book The Body Keeps the Score and the way that your body can start to have physical reactions in order to tell you and those around you that something is emotionally wrong.
And thank you for mentioning my tech in the family article! You have gotten me thinking about other coping strategies I use that may not be as healthy as meeting needs directly would be.
Thank you, sweet friend! I’ve definitely learned so much about my own behavior from this course (and about my children!) and am really trying to put these things into practice in our home. It’s a much more merciful approach to family life (without, I think, losing the justice so much as the harshness).
It’s fascinating you bring this up—I just read an article about a woman whose chronic back pain disappeared when she dealt with some deeply-buried emotions. A fascinating topic. (Language warning.)
https://open.substack.com/pub/sarahknightauthor/p/whatever-works-bitches
I am not kidding when I say that my 5-year, incapacitating chronic inflammation in my wrists and hands started healing when I started dating my husband. And then when I was pregnant for the first time it went away completely. Feeling loved doesn't fix all physical pain, but if the physical pain is related to feeling dismissed...
This is wild! When I read your comment, I remembered the time that I gave myself/got a bible cyst in my right wrist. At the time, I assumed it was from shaking my hand repeatedly as a somewhat dysfunctional coping mechanism for the anxiety/panic I was experiencing at the Latin Mass at that time (I think I've mentioned this before? There was a lot of healing that needed to happen.) It eventually went away on its own--now you've got me wondering if its disappearance was at all correlated in time with the healing that came through security in mine and James' relationship, and the friendships we formed within our TLM community at our parish...
Okay, and it's actually called a bible cyst??? I think you may be onto something here...
!
Its nicknamed that because people used to pop them by thumping them with a bible 😳
Wow, super-gross!