Recapturing the Joy of Charting for Health

fertility awareness, femininity, and friendship in marriage

Friends, I am so excited to share this interview with you all today.

Caitlin Estes

writes about one of my favorite topics—fertility awareness—and I was so grateful for the chance to pick her brain about some topics that maybe don’t get covered in that mandatory Intro to NFP course you took for marriage prep. I hope you enjoy!

Photo by Gemali Martinez on Unsplash

Caitlin! It is so good to have you here with us today. To get us started, can you tell me a little bit about yourself and how you got into fertility awareness?

Sure! I am a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner, owner of Woven Natural Fertility Care, and host of the Woven Well Podcast. My full time vocation is educating women and couples to understand their reproductive health and fertility through the Creighton Model System. I’ve been doing this almost 7 years, and I love what I do! With a background in Christian ministry and a Master of Divinity degree, I love living in the intersection of fertility and faith, so I often write and speak on those topics, as well. 

I could’ve never guessed I’d be doing this vocationally. I first stumbled upon fertility awareness methods over 10 years ago when I was newly engaged and looking for a natural way to plan our future family. I was amazed by all I learned from my Practitioner, and began telling my friends. Over the years, God opened my eyes to see how active He is in the lives of women and the field of fertility. It’s amazing, beautiful, fruitful stuff, and I’m honored to get to be a part of it. 

This might be redundant for some of our readers, but could you give a quick overview of what exactly we're striving to become aware of when we practice fertility awareness?

Most of the time when someone uses the terms fertility awareness based methods or natural family planning, they mean family planning that revolves around understanding a woman’s cycle. This is possible because every woman’s reproductive system produces hormones throughout the cycle that change at milestone moments, like ovulation and right before your period starts. When this happens, the body’s biomarkers respond — and if you know how to recognize and interpret those biomarkers, then you can successfully avoid or try to conceive a pregnancy by using them. There are different methods of family planning based on different biomarkers, but the most common ones are cervical mucus, basal body temperature, and the rise of LH (Luteinizing Hormone). Each of these change dramatically around the time of ovulation, which is also the only time a couple is fertile. 

Thanks! So I know that you and I have talked about this before, but I started charting for health in college and was truly shocked at how deeply and intimately the information I was gathering allowed me to know myself and honor my body and my femininity. Honestly, charting was the first time I really began to feel that being a woman was something good, maybe even awesome, as opposed to a mere biological fact (and often an inconvenient one at that). I'd love to hear your thoughts on how fertility awareness can serve as a lens through which to view all of human anthropology, I guess, and reveal to us God's design for humanity, and for femininity in particular.

I absolutely love that your awareness of your reproductive cycle had such an impact on your understanding of yourself and your creation. I completely agree with you that the more we encounter our feminine creation, the more we can see the beauty and purpose with which we’re made—not just as humans, but as women.

It’s a complicated time in history to be a woman. Well, when has it not been? But being a woman isn’t really celebrated or respected in the way it could be. As you said, it can feel more like an inconvenient biological fact than a meaningful piece of who we are. 

There are some fantastic writers and thinkers out there who dive so deep into our understanding of God’s gift of femininity and human design, but when we think about fertility awareness as a way of understanding, I do think it provides a unique perspective. 

Often when we discuss what it means to be a woman, our answers are centered on mental, emotional, or relational topics. We overlook the body. But the body is a pretty defining feature of femininity—both internally and externally. And we live in a time when, in my opinion, both are often misused and abused. We oversexualize women and put their bodies on display. We shut down their reproductive systems and keep them in the dark about their cycles and fertility. Both of these things disconnect us just a little bit more from the gift of being a woman.

So when we choose not to accept that status quo, to learn about our bodies and our cycles, and to dive into what it means to be a woman, we have the opportunity to see ourselves and our creation a little more clearly. We can see that God designed our bodies and our cycles with beauty and with intention. I really believe that they point us back to God. 

We begin to experience that we are made in the image of God—a God who creates and nourishes. A God whose love flows out of communion into new life. 

When I have these conversations with women, each story is different. Each discovery is unique. But the common theme is that God shows up to provide meaning, beauty, and redemption to women whose femininity has so often been neglected, misused, or belittled. 

By the way, I just purchased The Genesis of Gender by Abigail Favale, and I’m very excited to read it. If your readers are interested in that topic, they may want to look at it, as well. 

Yes! I read Abigail’s book last year and was so impressed by it. Her prose makes me feel things.

So, for many women, their introduction to fertility awareness comes when they get married, in an introductory session designed for engaged couples, just to check off that box on the requirements for marriage preparation. But for some of us, we're introduced to fertility awareness under the broad banner of "charting for health". I love this idea that a woman's cycle is a fifth vital sign—that understanding your cycle can give you (and, when needed, your medical team) insight into what's happening with your body and provide some direction into either how to resolve ongoing issues, or just how to live out your femininity by leaning into what your body is doing.

On the flip side of "charting for health"—or, more accurately, charting as a single woman—is charting for pregnancy, or charting within marriage. This is where there start to be... implications, for lack of a better word, to the observations you're making. When James and I got married, all of the sudden "charting for health" was transformed into this ever-present question of "where are we standing in regards to a possible pregnancy?" and I found that it was really difficult to recapture that spirit of joy and awe at my feminine body. It really felt like a loss—a loss of innocence, perhaps, or maybe just a loss of a cherished good—and I know I'm not the only woman who's experienced that feeling. 

This transition from charting for health to charting for family planning does come with definite changes. I love to walk my clients through this by addressing it head on. Things are about to change! So how can we walk through that transition with as many benefits—and as much grace—as possible? 

For many, transition to family planning comes with the addition of something they didn’t expect: fear. What if we get pregnant when we don’t want to? What if we mess up and have a baby? What do we want our lives to look like, and what if our future isn’t what we expected? These are questions that every couple asks, not just those using fertility awareness methods. And I think addressing these fears is important! 

For the first time, couples are realizing that there are serious ramifications to their physical intimacy. That’s a true fact. For couples who don’t realize this relationship, we have to back up a step in our sessions. Sex and babies go together. Pretending they don’t doesn’t make anything easier.

On a practical level, my goal at this point is to help couples feel as confident and comfortable as possible in their family planning system. We talk through how to know with confidence if they’re fertile or infertile, how to make that decision together, and how to thrive along the way. Usually, when we have these conversations and they see themselves be successful, they can feel more confident and peaceful. 

But I usually come back to that fear and desire to be in control over our fertility pretty soon. We have incredible ways to know when we’re fertile or infertile, and to be able to plan our families. But none of us have the ultimate say. There is no 100% effective way to avoid pregnancy. Just as there is no 100% effective way to conceive a pregnancy.  

This fact could terrify us. But, as believers, we have another option. If God designed it this way, then can we trust it to be a good thing? Could it be that it’s for our good, and not for evil? 

Just think about the fact that God gave us the ability to have a say in when we create a baby. First of all, that’s honestly wild. God could’ve chosen to create life on his own terms and timetable. But, instead, he invited us into the process. We were designed with reproductive systems that provide us with a precise way to identify our fertility, and a cycle that only has us being fertile for a few days every cycle. It’s all so intentional. And yet, that sole responsibility does not sit on our shoulders. And thank goodness!

As believers, we can trust that God is the Creator of all life. So if we follow all the instructions and we are in the .5% of couples who still conceive a pregnancy? Then we can have a peace and confidence that this life was meant to come into the world. I’ve found that discussing these things early on really helps with the fear, and also changes how couples make practical decisions. 

There’s a lot to explore here. I talk openly about this with clients and meet them where they are. We all have different backgrounds and goals and fears. But switching the perspective can be incredibly helpful in seeing this transition as one, not of losing a cherished good, but gaining another. 

I love that perspective, and I think you’re spot on about the role fear plays in the perceived loss of that good. Because the biological reality of our cycles doesn’t change—we just become more aware of the potential for life that we’ve always carried. And whether we work through the fear by learning our cycles more intimately, by having some fruitful (although often challenging!) conversations in our marriages, or by practicing that trust in God, as we surrender the fear, we really can begin to (re)capture that sense of joy and wonder.

I'm currently nine months postpartum with our second, having been pregnant and/or nursing for over three years now, and I’m finally starting to realize that I not only want to lean more into charting-as-self-knowledge, but that I really actually need to in order to best live out my vocation. With our first, my cycle came back quite early and was very regular and predictable from the get-go. But with our second, things are more "normal" in the sense that it's taking my body some time to re-regulate, and the hormone fluctuations throughout each cycle are so noticeable and are having a lot more impact on my functioning, both for better and for worse. So I'd love to dive into some of the ways we can maintain that honor-of-self-as-feminine in the context of marriage, where there are more intimate interpersonal consequences to the observations we're making. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience on how we can better support ourselves and/or our spouses during postpartum charting. I think there's so much to be said for giving ourselves permission to take time to relearn our cycles and rediscover our intuition. I think the rise of charting apps is such a good thing, but I do wonder how much it is dampening our intuition to be told (as opposed to seeing for ourselves) whether or not we’re fertile. It’s something I love and hate about Creighton, that it's all based on what you’re seeing—there’s no algorithm or hormone levels or anything. But that familiarity and intuition and confidence takes time to develop, and after a year-long pause (at least!) for pregnancy and the fourth trimester, there's a process of getting to know ourselves again that I think is often overlooked. 

You are absolutely right about this, Sara. Many of us feel like life would just be easier if someone else told us what things meant and whether today is fertile or not. But you hit on something when you said that that can be something that dampens our intuition. In my opinion, we live in a culture that’s all about rights, but not about knowledge. Girls are put on birth control at younger and younger ages, which shuts down their reproductive cycles. Women, when unable to conceive after a year, are quickly referred to IVF. Cycle education is counter cultural. 

But there’s a movement happening among women. They are fed up with this treatment. They don’t want to be on birth control, they’d rather have health answers. They don’t want to go straight to IVF, they’d rather investigate the cause of their struggle. And, women are using fertility awareness methods to do both. I love that more and more women are looking into their options and are trying things like a cycle app. I advise them NOT to use them for family planning but, to me, they are a great “first step” at cycle awareness in general. From there, choosing a method that works well for you and learning it with a practitioner makes all the difference. 

Still, for those who have irregular or—what feels like—complicated cycles, it can be intimidating. Work closely with your Practitioner as you get back into the groove of things. They have a bank of experiences and resources—make the most of them! Tell them what you’re struggling with, ask them the confusing questions, and let them know when you feel overwhelmed. They are there to provide guidance and help you in any way possible. 

But you also asked how you can support yourself throughout that postpartum phase of charting, and I would say to give yourself a lot of grace and a lot of space. When I work with postpartum clients, I make sure that they know I don’t expect immediate confidence and neither should they. We’ll get there together. Instead, those weeks can be spent finding a rhythm that includes nourishment and rest—even in tiny increments. Make sure you’re eating nourishing foods, staying extra hydrated, and working with others to find a sleep schedule that works for you. Take time to be in the sun, go for a walk, and do something fun for yourself—even if it’s pouring a cup of coffee in silence. You are a whole person. Your fertility is a part of your overall health. And investing in your overall health will only improve your reproductive health. 

A word, if we may, for the men who love women who are charting—can we talk about a few practical things husbands can do to support their wives when it comes to fertility awareness, particularly in this realm of honoring and celebrating their femininity? 

What a great question to end on. One of the beautiful benefits of using fertility awareness methods is that they acknowledge that fertility is a two person game. With that in mind, the entire process is a teamwork mentality. I love it when couples share the practical responsibilities of family planning together. In Creighton, it’s common for her to observe and for him to chart. This allows for a quick conversation each day to make sure you’re on the same page and to be able to talk about things together, without feeling like a big deal. 

I recorded a podcast episode with a newly married couple that will release in the next few weeks. The husband shared how he sees her dip emotionally right before her period starts, so he provides extra care and sensitivity during those days. I thought that was beautiful. PMS is often the butt of a joke on TV, but here was an example of a husband who took it very seriously, and was looking for ways to express love to his wife on days that were hard for her. Any husband can do this. It goes back to what we talked about at the beginning—changing our perspective from womanhood as an inconvenient biological fact, to a meaningful part of her design. Honoring that can make such a difference. 

So certainly caring for your wife when she’s going through PMS is one way to do that. I’d also say practicing intentionality in how you discuss your joint fertility. Making sure that no blame is put on one person when you all make the decision not to have intercourse. Making decisions together about when to be together, instead of asking her “is it a good day?” And even going out of your way to do something affectionate and intimate on days when you are choosing not to have intercourse. Often, that shows your wife that your connection to her is not based on that physical intimacy alone, but your love for her as an entire person. When you marry someone, you marry all of them—their fertility included. All of those things are little ways to say, “I love you, and that includes your fertility.” 

Caitlin, thank you so much again for joining us today. If readers want to keep up with you and your work, where can they find you?

I publish reflections on fertility and faith every week on Substack at

Fertile Faith

. I also publish a weekly podcast episode through Woven Well podcast that focuses a little more on the practical, educational, and medical side of fertility. For anything else I’m up to, I’d suggest joining the monthly newsletter on my website, wovenfertility.com.

We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments! How do you celebrate your (or your wife’s) femininity?