Rule of St. Benedict, Chapters 1-7

BOOK CLUB 1 | WEEK 1: Virtue, Foundational Attitudes, and Ground Rules

As a reminder, you can access the text of St. Benedict’s Rule here. If you’d like to visit the Book Club table of contents, you can do so here.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

I am so excited to dive right in to this conversation with y’all! We had the start of a great discussion in the comments section here on the Substack site last week with our Introduction. If you are not on Substack, please do consider stopping by to at least read the comments, as I know there will be some beautiful insights offered!

Nathaniel Marshall

said last week:

The monastery has a principle of order around which all of the design elements, from space to schedule and all that inhabit them, point to one thing--prayer. If the world is trying to keep you from that one activity, the monastery is trying to get you to *only do* that one activity.

The home can be the same. Arranged such that constant, unhindered prayer is facilitated. An ideal, to be sure, but a good one to strive for! And using St. Benedict’s Rule as a guide for getting there is a worthy cause.

So with that goal in mind, let’s go ahead and get started with Chapters 1-7 of the Rule. This first section establishes some ground rules when it comes to the ordering of the monastery, the basic dispositions or attitudes to be cultivated among its members, and the way things ought to be done within the community. This continues into Chapters 8-19, which we will not be discussing here, but which you are (of course) welcome and encouraged to read on your own. If you would like to begin incorporating the Divine Office into your personal or family prayer, you can find many different arrangements available based on your personal preferences and desires. For what it’s worth, this is the version that we use in our home.

Chapter 1: Concerning the different kinds of monks

This section is fairly technical, and St. Benedict throws a little shade at monks whose lifestyle does not seem to orient them towards authentic holiness. Right off the bat, St. Benedict says:

The first [kind of monk] is that of the Cœnobites, that is the monastic kind, who serve under a rule and an abbot.

This is the type of monk and monastery that we are imitating in our families. Whether or not we follow St. Benedict’s Rule of Life exactly, our goal in this Book Study is to begin seeing our family as, in some sense, a domestic monastery, ordered toward the sanctification of the individual members through intentionally cultivating habits of sanctity. To this end, we can strive to establish a sense of order in our families, both by conforming ourselves to the proper structure in the family (as per our discussion on Monday), and by creating our own rule or plan of life. The latter can be something highly structured, as per Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life, or something simple, such as a statement of the top 3-5 prayer priorities of your family, and the frequency with which you will say them.

Chapter 2: What kind of man the abbot ought to be

This is where we really begin to see both St. Benedict’s vision for the monastic life, as well as the ways in which we can apply the Rule to our families. If the abbot is the leader of the monastic community, and the father is the leader of the home, what is said of the former can also be applied to the latter by analogy.

Throughout this section, St. Benedict calls abbots (and, by extension, fathers) to a high standard of personal holiness and fidelity to the Lord, as well as an intimate knowledge of those subject to him, so as to best aid them in their own growth in holiness. We also see referenced the responsibility that the abbot has for the souls of his monks: “to the fault of the shepherd is accounted whatever the father of the family shall have found amiss in the sheep”. The abbot is encouraged to work for the holiness of everyone entrusted to his care, taking different approaches based on their different needs:

Therefore when anyone receives the title of abbot he ought to preside over his disciples with twofold manner of teaching: that is, to show forth all that is good and holy by deeds even more than by words, so as by his words to set the commandment of the Lord before the more intelligent disciples: but to those hard of heart and to those of less capacity to show forth the divine precept by his deeds.

This is a theme we will continue to see throughout the Rule - while all within the monastery are called to asceticism and personal holiness, they are never to forget their limitedness, and exceptions are made where necessity requires to ensure that the Rule does not become a near occasion of sin through grumbling, resentment, or abandonment of the monastic lifestyle. Likewise, in our families, we are working with adults, teenagers, children, and even infants, so our means of calling one another to sanctity will have to vary widely based on the needs and abilities of the individuals. The father’s role is particularly important here, as all the members of the family will look to his example and his verbal teaching to set the tone for the practice of the faith in the family as a whole.¹

We also begin to see in this section St. Benedict’s approach to punishment. Whatever your thoughts on corporal punishment, it is difficult to find fault with the way in which Benedict tailors the reproof to fit the person. Perhaps in the family, this means that when, through accidents or misunderstandings, someone causes a problem, they will be gently corrected; whereas willful disobedience or disrespect will be punished more harshly with a talking-to and an appropriate consequence. We will discuss discipline again at a later date and in more detail, so this is just a sort of introduction to Benedict’s thoughts.

Finally, St. Benedict encourages his abbots to focus on salvation of souls more than on worldly success or material goods. This advice is crucial for families, whose welfare depends on the right ordering, not only of the family unit, but also of the individual members. My favorite pithy summary of how we can rightly order our own lives within our family comes from A Mother’s Rule of Life and states that we ought to focus on ourselves first as Pray-ers, then as Persons, Partners, and Parents, and only lastly as Providers. In other words, if my husband and I are not focused first on our relationship with God, everything else will fall to pieces. If we are letting ourselves run ragged, never eating, drinking, or sleeping enough, we will be unable to minister to our families. And if we are not keeping our own marriage a priority over the often-chaotic and loudly-stated requests of our children, our children will suffer as a result.²

It is so tempting for us to put “provider” above all our other roles, thinking that financial stability or an impeccable home or detailed routine are required in order to really be providing for our family; however, this disorder in the person only bears disordered fruit. Instead, let us keep let us aim to “not be too solicitous about things transitory, things earthly, things perishable, closing [our] eyes to, or too little weighing the salvation of, the souls committed to [our] care; but let [us] always have in mind that because [we] has undertaken to govern souls, [we] must one day render an account of them.” If we keep ourselves ordered and our families ordered, stewarding well the gifts we’ve been given, the Lord will be faithful in providing what we need.

Chapter 3: Concerning the calling of the brethren to council

As we discussed on Monday, a wise abbot (and a wise father) will frequently consult with his community on issues of importance. The abbot ought to listen with humility and the monks speak with humility, trusting in the Lord to make His will known in and through the conversation. While the abbot retains the ultimate authority and responsibility for the decision and its consequences, it displays and fosters both humility and wisdom to receive counsel from the wider community. Likewise, a father ought to regularly speak with his wife and his family about issues of “special business” in their lives.

The website “The Art of Manliness” terms these consultations the marriage meeting and the family meeting. I highly recommend reading the full articles but will summarize the basic points here:

The goals of a marriage meeting are to stay connected with your spouse as a person and to stay connected with what is going on in your spouse’s life. In a weekly, short, childfree meeting, spouses are encouraged to discuss four specific topics: appreciation for one another (be specific!), chores/to-do list for the week, plans for good times, and problems/challenges that have arisen recently or that are anticipated.

Similarly, the goal of a family meeting is to build up a positive family culture and support one another’s growth in holiness. The weekly agenda might include a few minutes of formal teaching on a virtue or a Scripture verse, a discussion of upcoming plans, a review of the previous week for things that went well or poorly, time for family members to offer counsel to one another, and/or a chance to do a fun activity or have a little snacky treat.

Neither of these practices is intended to be perfect, or the end-all be all of your relationships with your family; rather, they can become consistent, practical touch-points, allowing us to check in with one another on a regular basis. Something to be depended on and looked forward to in times when intentionality might be difficult to maintain without pre-planning. Implementing these regular meetings into our family rule or plan of life can be a continual source of joy and openness to the Holy Spirit in our “domestic monasteries”, as well as a chance to preemptively uproot pride, resentment, and fear. We are able to practice ourselves and model for our children the skills of discussing difficult topics with grace; being intentionally present with one another; and distributing work according to need, ability, and capacity in the ever-changing dance that is family life.

Chapter 4: What are the instruments of good works

This chapter is a very practical list of ways in which we are called to live out the Gospel. This list can function as a sort of Examination of Conscience, as many of the items listed are a natural and necessary part of family life. Additionally, this chapter can become a source of inspiration for us as we select areas of focus or teaching to share with our families. Perhaps each of us can select 2-3 works from this chapter to work on, either as a family or as individuals, over the next few weeks of this Book Club.

St. Benedict concludes this chapter by noting that, “the cloister of the monastery and stability in the community are the workshop wherein we may diligently effect all these works.” While we might not have the total cloister of the monastery, we do live together under one roof for many years, and we have stability in the community of our family, and perhaps in a wider parish, extended family, or geographic/local community as well. Our families are our workshops, in which we can, “ceaselessly [employ] … day and night and duly [give] back in the day of judgment,” with the hope of one day being welcomed into the Heavenly Wedding Feast of the Lamb.

Chapter 5: Concerning Obedience

Now, it is important to note that spouses and families do not take a formal vow of obedience to the father of the family, so there are bound to be some differences between the obedience of a monk to his superior and the obedience of a wife to her husband or a child to his father. However, the virtue of prompt and cheerful obedience to proper authorities is still one that we ought to cultivate in ourselves and our families. As St. Benedict says:

[T]his same obedience will only then be acceptable to God and pleasing to man when that which is ordered be carried out neither with trepidation nor tardily and lukewarmly, nor yet with murmuring and the back answer of one unwilling; for obedience yielded to superiors is an offering laid before God: for Himself He has said: “Who hears you, hears Me.” And with good-will should disciples yield it because it is the cheerful giver God loves.

As we discussed in Monday’s post, a rightly-ordered family serves to orient all members of the family to God. An attitude of obedience requires of the parents a willingness to order only those things which are for the good of the family, and a willingness on the part of the children to trust in their parents’ love for one another and for them. Both of these can be challenging to foster, but bear great fruit in the souls of the family members.

Chapter 6: Concerning silence

Family life - especially with young children - is rarely silent, and is almost certainly never as silent as a monastery. That being said, can also simply choose to speak less, especially frivolous or trivial talk. This might be an adjustment, as our emotional “sensors” are reprogrammed. (I know that I tend to get anxious and repeatedly “check in” with James when he is particularly quiet, simply because we have a dynamic of frequent conversation.) While the near-perfect silence of the monk might not be appropriate to a member of a family, we would do well to think before we speak, asking ourselves, “Does this really need to be said?” or “Why do I want to say this? What am I hoping to achieve?” I’ve been surprised to notice how frequently I speak just to fill the silence, fortify my own pride, soothe an insecurity, or satisfy idle curiosity.

We will discuss this in more detail later, but we can also choose to implement times of little silence throughout our day and “grand silence” in the evening, to facilitate moments of quiet prayer, personal study, or simply rest in a way that is appropriate to each member of the family.

Robert Cardinal Sarah has written an excellent interview-style book with Nicolas Diat entitled The Power of Silence. I cannot recommend the book highly enough, especially when it is read in conjunction with a period of self-imposed silence from the noise of television, music, and mindless chatter. James and I read it for Advent a few years ago, while also choosing to forego watching any TV or listening to any music in the car, and the effect it had on us was palpable.

Chapter 7: Concerning humility

This chapter is a lengthy discussion of the path to deeper and truer humility, using the image of Jacob’s Ladder:

For that ladder set up is our life in this world which, when the heart has been humbled by the Lord, is set up to heaven. And we say that the sides of this ladder are our body and soul, into which sides God-given vocation has inserted sundry rungs of humility and discipline by which we may ascend.

St. Benedict then offers the twelve “rungs” of the ladder to true humility (does this make the Rule the OG twelve-step program?), with several of these being particularly applicable or appropriate to family life.

• The first step, then, of humility is if one set the fear of God always before his eyes

• The second step in humility is, if anyone, loving not his own self-will, delight not to fulfil his natural desires, but in his deeds reproduce that word of the Lord

• The third step in humility is that one for love of God subject himself in all obedience to his superior, imitating the Lord Who says: “I did not come to do My will, but His Who sent Me.”

• The fourth step in humility is if in that same obedience, though things hard and contrary and even injuries, no matter of what kind, have been inflicted, he keep patience with a quiet conscience and enduring grows not weary nor gives in

• The fifth step in humility is if one shall have discovered to his abbot, by humble admission, any evil thoughts that come to the heart, or evil deeds done by him in secret

• The sixth step in humility is if a monk be content with the meanest and worst of everything

• The seventh step in humility is if he not only with his mouth denounce himself as inferior to all and more worthless, but also believe it in his inner consciousness

• The eighth step in humility is if a monk do nothing but what the common rule of the monastery and the example of his seniors suggest

• The ninth step in humility is if a monk restrain his tongue from speaking so as to keep silence and not speak till questioned

• The tenth step in humility is if he be not easily and quickly moved to laughter

• The eleventh step in humility is if when a monk speaks he speak few and reasonable words

• The twelfth step in humility is if a monk not only be humble in heart, but also always in his very body evince humility to those who see him

While some of these might strike our modern ears as extreme or even dangerous to a healthy sense of personal dignity (believe himself to be worthless?) or to a joyful family community (minimal laughter?), I think it’s important for us to remember that these things are offered as ways to grow in a sense of our own littleness and to focus intently on the things of the Lord. While we may not take them to the extremes presented in the Rule, we can still learn from them how to pursue a disposition of humility for ourselves and our families so that we can continue to grow in holiness.

Questions for Consideration and Discussion

1. How can you implement a sense of order within yourself, within your family, and/or within your larger community?

2. Would implementing a marriage meeting or a family meeting on a regular basis benefit your family? What sacrifices might have to be made in order to commit to a weekly or biweekly meeting?

3. Which of the “good works” do you feel called to intentionally cultivate in your family over the next few weeks or months?

4. Which virtue (obedience, silence, humility) speaks to you most deeply? Which one comes most (and least) naturally to you? What is one thing this week that you can do to practice each of these virtues?

1. A study conducted in Switzerland titled “The Demographic Characteristics of the Linguistic and Religious Groups in Switzerland” revealed that, “It is the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future attendance at or absence from church of the children.” Mother’s practice of the faith simply does not have the same impact, and while this is difficult and humbling to accept as a woman, I hope that it is deeply moving and inspiring to fathers - your role is truly critical.

2. I love Kimberley Hahn’s advice on prioritizing your marriage within your family’s life. You can find a short summary in the podcast episode here!