Rule of St. Benedict, Chapters 31-40

BOOK CLUB 1 | WEEK 3: Motherhood, Respect, and Human Limitedness

As a reminder, you can access the text of St. Benedict’s Rule here. If you’d like to visit the Book Club table of contents, you can do so here.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

This might be is, without question, the session I’ve been most excited for! Chapter 31 of the Rule is the chapter that first inspired me to think seriously about how this specific Rule can be applied to family life because it forced me to reflect on my own role in our “domestic monastery”.

This week’s readings contain descriptions of several key service roles within the monastic community, prescriptions for caring for the vulnerable, and a few notes about material goods and their role in the monastery. Similar to last week, I’m going to try breaking this week’s reading up by theme, rather than by chapter, as Benedict jumps back and forth between several related topics. Buckle up, because we’re going full-speed-ahead down an excited rabbit hole.

Chapters 31, 35, & 38: Service roles within the monastic community (cellarer, kitcheners, readers)

We’ve already discussed two of the principal (and relatively permanent) roles in the monastery: the abbot and the deans. However, these are not the only roles Benedict discusses, and this week we get some insight into a few more: the cellarer, the kitcheners, and the readers. The former is another semi-permanent role; however, the kitcheners and readers change from week to week to allow each brother the chance to serve the community as a whole.

What can we take from these chapters to apply to our own homes? A lot.

Chapter 31, concerning the cellarer of the monastery, speaks so deeply to what I think we can aspire to as mothers. Obviously, in the context of the monastery, this role would be held by a man “who may be as a father to the whole community,” but so much of this chapter resonated with me on my first read-through. The cellarer is, in a sense, the abbot’s right-hand man, the one who keeps inventory and manages distribution of the goods of the monastery. He also plays a particular role in the hospitality offered by the monastery to “the sick, the children, the guests and the poor, with all solicitude, knowing without doubt that for all these he will have to render account in the day of judgment.” In other words, the cellarer is the closest thing to a homemaker that the monastery will have. As wives and mothers, we often have “pride of place” and special concern for our homes, and in this chapter, we can hear St. Benedict encouraging us to embrace that concern with joy, rather than fulfilling it with a spirit of bitterness or resentment.

Perhaps my favorite line in the entire chapter is this one:

If by any chance any brother asks anything from him unreasonably, let him not embitter him by contemptuously refusing, but let him with reasoning and humility refuse him who is asking amiss.

As mothers, we often spend entire days answering unreasonable questions or being asked to complete unreasonable tasks. And yet, we are called to respond “with reasoning and humility” so that our disposition can inspire our families to charity, instead of fostering bitterness, anger, or a general mood of grumpiness. How difficult this can be when the baby is screaming because she’s tired and the toddler is shouting demands one after another: “More milk! Come here! Chase me! Potty!” In these moments, how can we ask the Lord for the grace to respond with charity instead of contempt?

I also love the parallelism between Chapter 31 of the Rule and Chapter 31 of the Book of Proverbs. I know most, if not all, of us have heard this passage before, but I will quote it below because it feels incredibly relevant:

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

- Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV, emphasis mine

Do you see the parallels here between the instruction given to the cellarer in Chapter 31 of the Rule and the praise of the God-fearing woman in Chapter 31 of the Book of Proverbs? We are called to work diligently and humbly for the good of our families in whatever way the Lord provides for us.

I could talk about just this chapter of the Rule for several posts here on Substack, so I’ll cut myself off (for now). But truly, I would encourage you to give it another read during quiet prayer time this week, and ask the Lord how He is tasking you to fulfill this role in your own family. Take this line from Chapter 31 as an examination of conscience, if you like: “a wise [woman] of mature character, sober, not greedy, not haughty, not turbulent, not unfair, not slothful, not wasteful, but God-fearing…”

Later on in this week’s reading, we hear about the weekly service roles: the kitcheners and the reader. These chapters can, I think, give us helpful insight into how we can involve our children in the rich fullness of family life from an early age.¹ For example, I love this passage:

Let the brethren serve in turn, in such wise that not one be excused from the office of kitchener, except either by reason of sickness, or if any be occupied in some other matter of special usefulness; for in such wise is charity acquired and greater merit. But to the weak let help be accorded, that they fulfil this office without sadness; and indeed let all have help according to the size of the community and the circumstances of the place.

In other words, everyone is expected to help in the kitchen: cooking, serving, and cleaning. Where necessary, members of our families can be exempted from this service when they’re sick or engaged in another important task, and when young children are participating in the kitchen, we may have to offer additional assistance and supervision. However, no one is to be excused from this office precisely because this humble service to one another is a particular source of grace and virtue. While Benedict doesn’t discuss what we would consider basic household chores - sweeping, doing laundry, tidying up, taking out the trash, etc. - the same principle should apply. Everyone who is a member of the home is expected to contribute and serve the home in some form or fashion.

Since kitchen duty is a week-long commitment in the monastic community, Benedict also gives instructions for ensuring that all necessary items are cleaned and accounted for at the end and beginning of each shift. While we might not have a formal “check-in/check-out” system for our spatulas, we can certainly use kitchen duty (or other chores) as a chance to model for and teach our children the importance and value of returning tools (and toys!) to their places when we have finished using them.

The office of reader is rather specific to the monastic community, where a brother might read during the meals, both to edify those present and to dissuade them from casual conversation. If your family prioritizes eating a meal together each day, perhaps once a week someone could read a spiritual book during the meal, or for the first five minutes of the meal each day. Otherwise, this role could be replicated in the teaching portion of a family meeting, during prayer time, or simply in the joy of reading stories aloud. My dad read books to me and my brother before bed for years, and I have such fond memories of those times.

Finally, Benedict instructs both weekly kitcheners and weekly readers to beg the community for their prayers, that they may serve well and virtuously, not giving in to laziness, grumbling, or other vices. How often do we do this in our own families? Do we ask our spouses (and our children!) for prayers that we can serve them well, in whatever capacity we are called to serve? Do we pray for our spouses and children that they may do the same? I know this is an area where I certainly need to grow.

Chapter 36-37: Caring for the vulnerable

In these chapters, Benedict offers advice that is particularly valuable in family life, where it often feels that some one or other is always sick, pregnant, breastfeeding, hangry, tired, overstimulated, struggling with old age, too young to care for themselves, or recovering from an injury. He addresses this section to both the vulnerable members of the community and their caregivers, exhorting them to find the balance of service without grumbling or demanding:

Before all things and above all things care is to be had of the sick, that they may be so served as if they were in very deed Christ, because He Himself said: “I have been sick and ye have visited Me”: and: “What ye have done to one from among these My little ones, ye have done to Me.” But at the same time let the sick themselves have in mind that it is for God’s honour they are served and so let them not with unnecessary demands weary their brethren who serve them.

The vulnerable members of the community are given exemptions or lessening of the asceticism of the monastic life - a trend we see continued today in the exemption of pregnant and nursing mothers from the general requirement to make a Friday sacrifice (traditionally, abstinence from meat). This, to my mind, is such a gift and a mercy, especially in the age of “optimization culture” or “hustle culture” (or whatever we call it these days). Benedict and the Church invite us not only to acknowledge but to honor the genuine limits of our bodies and souls, even while calling us to a higher standard in those times of health and vigor. And this acknowledgement then flows beyond ourselves into the other members of our families and communities - to whom we must extend a similar grace and patience. We cannot, like the unforgiving servant in Matthew’s Gospel, allow the Lord to “cut us some slack” when our bodies are genuinely unable to follow through, and then turn around and reprimand our spouses or children when they are in the same situation:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

- Matthew 18:23-35 ESV

It can be incredibly difficult to be patient and understanding - let alone gentle and charitable - with ourselves or our family members in times of true weakness and vulnerability. But in doing so, we facilitate the growth in holiness of every member of our family: their is humility required to accept help or to moderate our ascetic practices, and there is a tremendous amount of grace to be found in caring for those who, due to their dependence and neediness, ask for (nay, demand) constant self-gift on our part, often without anything given in return. (Looking at you, baby, and those two-hour midnight parties we’ve been having this week.) So let’s beg the Lord for that grace to be given to us in those moments when we want to respond with a sharp word, pick a useless or imprudent fight, or simply throw in the towel.

Chapter 32-34, 39-40: Material goods, ownership, and temperance

The last topic Benedict covers in this week’s reading is material goods: stewardship, ownership, and temperance. We’ll jump right in!

We’ve talked a little bit about stewardship in the past, and will continue to do so as we dive deeper into Catholic Social Teaching. In this context, when we talk about stewardship, we mean taking good care of the things (and places) entrusted to us. Because all our lives are a gift from God - including our materials goods - we must tend to them responsibly and gratefully, rather than allowing them to go to ruin through laziness, wastefulness, or carelessness. There’s a line in Chapter 31 that stood out to me:

Let him regard all the vessels of the monastery as if they were consecrated vessels of the altar; and so with the whole of its property.

Can you imagine how different our homes would look if we treated all of our possessions with the same care and respect used when handling the chalice or the ciborium that holds the body and blood of Christ at Mass? No more carelessly leaving toys or shoes out in the middle of the living room to be trampled on and swept under the couch; no more letting clothes sit in the washer for so long that they begin to smell. This is a high calling, and there is an obvious distinction between the role of the sacred vessels and the role of our dirty laundry, but it is certainly worth meditating upon the ways in which we allow vice to seep into our habitual dealings with the material goods the Lord has given us. Benedict also instructs the monastery to keep an accurate and readily-updated inventory of the monastery’s goods, so as to ensure that everything is cared for, noticed, used, and replaced when needed. Frankly, most of us probably own far, far too many things to keep such an inventory, but once again, it is worth reflecting on the ways we can bring this spirit into our family lives. Perhaps it’s paring down to a capsule wardrobe, cleaning out the toy cupboard and gifting or donating those that aren’t regularly played with, or reducing the number of kitchen gadgets on hand for “just in case” situations. Perhaps it’s finally taking the time to clean and organize our bookshelves so we don’t keep buying copies of the same books.²

When it comes to material goods, Benedict is also quite clear that none of the monks is to personally own anything. At all. Even the clothes on their back belong to the monastery, so that they can be truly detached from the physical world. A friend from our moms-of-tots group recently explained to me their family’s approach to birthday and Christmas gifts - it is particularly unique, and very applicable in this discussion: When a gift-giving holiday comes around, presents might be given “to” one particular child, but all gifts are understood by all family members as being gifts given to the family and, as such, are gifts that can be used by all members of the family. Perhaps the child whose birthday it is would have a special right to play with the toy on that day, but from then on, all the children have an equal claim to it. There might be one or two “special toys” that a child has - our daughter’s baby doll or her fire truck, for example - but otherwise, there is no real meaning behind claims of “MINE!” because all the things belong to the family as a whole. Intense possessiveness is a natural and expected trait in children (and in humans generally), but it is one that we can weed out and replace with detachment.

This also reminds me of a question from our marriage prep book that our sponsor couple asked us during one of the sessions: What thing(s) will be hardest for you to share once you’re married? My answer at the time was “my car” - I had just put a down payment a pre-owned sedan with money I’d saved, and I was solely responsible for payments on it. It very much felt like my space, and my use of my money. And indeed, for the first several years of our marriage, it was “my car” that occasionally I “let” James drive… until I was six months pregnant with our baby and consistently bonked the toddler’s head in the low doorway while trying to put her into her car seat. So we swapped cars, and I now drive the CR-V that James bought during COVID, and my sense of possessiveness of the sedan has decreased… It’s so funny how, even thought we intellectually recognize that marriage means sharing our whole selves with our spouse, there are still things we want to keep “for ourselves”.

And even for those goods that are not “owned” so much as “used”, Benedict prescribes an approach of equity rather than strict equality, to use a particularly modern distinction. In other words, the monks are to imitate the example of the early Church:

Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.

- Acts 4:32-35 ESV, emphasis mine

Thus, in physical goods, in food, in drink, and in all things, the monks are to receive only what they need as an individual, regardless of what other monks receive. Moreover, each is instructed to be humble and grateful. Those who can do with less are to acknowledge this with the humble knowledge that it is only by the Lord’s grace that this is possible, and to be grateful for this gift. Those who need more are to be humble in acknowledging their neediness, and to be grateful for the Lord’s generosity (and the abbot’s) in providing for them what they need. This leads Benedict to the virtue of temperance, which he discusses in terms very specific to the time and place in which he is writing. But the principle we can extract here is that we should be careful not to offer, or to indulge, in food and drink beyond necessity, depending on the season, the work we are doing, etc. This hearkens back to the point above, that those who are vulnerable or needy in some way ought to be taken care of according to their legitimate needs. (I should note that my weekly ice cream purchase is not a legitimate need of a nursing mother… it’s a habit I’m trying to kick, and I’m both surprised and ashamed of the every-evening craving for sweets that I’ve cultivated by habitual indulgence.)

We’ll talk in the future about eating with and feeding children, but I for now, I’ll mention a tip from one of my favorite resources, a website called Kids Eat in Color. Jennifer, a mom and a registered dietician, suggests offering your children a small portion first, to avoid overwhelming them, making sure they know that they can ask for additional portions if they eat what they’ve been given. Can we apply this same principle to our own meals, not out of a desire to avoid overwhelm, but to encourage virtuous, intentional, and even (marginally!) sacrificial eating?

Finally, on the topic of food and drink, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the ways in which the Church’s liturgical calendar, that endless cycle of fast and feast days, encourages us to be temperate in our eating as the standard, so that our fasting can be more penitential and our feasting more celebratory. Likewise with the natural seasons, which give us good foods but only for a short time each year, forcing us to enjoy what we are given while we are given it. Can we lean into these rhythms and allow them to shape a more temperate and detached relationship with food?

Questions for Consideration and Discussion

1. Do any of the roles from today’s discussion - cellarer, kitchener, or reader - strike you as particularly relevant or beneficial to your family? Why?

2. What vulnerabilities or legitimate needs have you encountered in yourself? In your family? How have you shown special care to those individuals? Where do you still need to grow in virtue in dealing with them?

3. Where do you feel drawn to more intentional stewardship in your home and/or family life?

4. Where do you need to grow in the virtues of detachment and/or temperance in your relationship with material goods?

1. I can’t wait to do a future post or book club discussion of Michaeleen Doucleff’s Hunt, Gather, Parent. While there are certainly some flaws with the book and its methodology (spoilers, it’s what I call “parentourism”), there’s also a lot of insightful information that we can apply in our families. Involving children in household maintenance from day one is one such lesson.

2. There are some truly excellent resources here on Substack that discuss good stewardship of material goods, physical (and digital) minimalism, and more. I’m hoping, after this book club is over, to do a series of “round up” posts with recommendations for further reading from other incredible authors on some of the topics we discuss here.