So much food for thought here again, Sara! Our children are now all adolescents/ young adults, but still live with us.
I agree that we have to be on guard from expecting older children to parent the younger ones, though that can be made a challenge when you have a child with a take-charge attitude. When our youngest was 6 yo, her 9 yo sister decided we'd been too slow in teaching the 6 yo to ride a bike. So she got out the toolbox, removed her sister's training wheels, and taught her to ride a 2-wheeler within a few days. They both still love to tell this story. But when that take-charge attitude transgressed into bossiness, I developed a silly phrase to remind her that she's not the mom: "I am the Mumma," said in faux-authoritarian tone. The phrase still works, now that they're 12 & 14, & I don't have to veer into lecture mode (which all 3 of our temperaments appreciate).
Regarding possible vocations: Our youngest daughter has wanted to be a religious sister since she was very young, and persists in this desire. This is hard for my husband, who as a Catholic convert, finds it difficult to envision that his pretty girl may not end up being a wife & mother.
Ah, Erin, as a take-charge eldest daughter with a 12-year age gap between myself and the baby in our family, I so relate to that dynamic. I love your distinction between teaching and bossing, and the silly-but-serious workaround for the defensiveness/lecturing that no one enjoys.
Thanks, Sara! I'm an eldest sister as well, with 12 years between me & my youngest sister. We have the same sensitive temperament, though, so our middle sister with the take-charge personality has been the driving force of the family. I admire my daughter's strong will, she's got the potential to be a great Mumma of her own kids one day.
So much food for thought here again, Sara! Our children are now all adolescents/ young adults, but still live with us.
I agree that we have to be on guard from expecting older children to parent the younger ones, though that can be made a challenge when you have a child with a take-charge attitude. When our youngest was 6 yo, her 9 yo sister decided we'd been too slow in teaching the 6 yo to ride a bike. So she got out the toolbox, removed her sister's training wheels, and taught her to ride a 2-wheeler within a few days. They both still love to tell this story. But when that take-charge attitude transgressed into bossiness, I developed a silly phrase to remind her that she's not the mom: "I am the Mumma," said in faux-authoritarian tone. The phrase still works, now that they're 12 & 14, & I don't have to veer into lecture mode (which all 3 of our temperaments appreciate).
Regarding possible vocations: Our youngest daughter has wanted to be a religious sister since she was very young, and persists in this desire. This is hard for my husband, who as a Catholic convert, finds it difficult to envision that his pretty girl may not end up being a wife & mother.
Ah, Erin, as a take-charge eldest daughter with a 12-year age gap between myself and the baby in our family, I so relate to that dynamic. I love your distinction between teaching and bossing, and the silly-but-serious workaround for the defensiveness/lecturing that no one enjoys.
I will pray for your daughter and your family!
Thanks, Sara! I'm an eldest sister as well, with 12 years between me & my youngest sister. We have the same sensitive temperament, though, so our middle sister with the take-charge personality has been the driving force of the family. I admire my daughter's strong will, she's got the potential to be a great Mumma of her own kids one day.