Ok I never thought that I would 'owe' another cheerfulness but I love the reframing of how we think about being cheerful. I struggle with this with the kids especially so this is super encouraging. Thanks for sharing your heart!!
Girl, me too. It’s always so comforting to hear that other people struggle with cheerfulness, honestly. Feels weird to say, especially facing down the child-rearing years. And yes, that reframe has been unexpected and has been something I’ve had to really challenge myself to accept, but when I do “submit” to that mindset, it bears a lot of fruit.
I..... feel called out by this post...... My mom had a saying that she’d say ~often~ ; “put a smile on your face and a song in your heart.” I’m still working on that in a genuine light instead of using positivity or cheerfulness as a mask or bandaid fix to hide the negativity or bad mood behind in disapproving company. I probably (definitely) needed to read this... Thanks for writing!
Ha, me too. You make such an important distinction here—cheerfulness as a virtue and cheerfulness as a mask are NOT the same thing! The latter might have served us well for self-protection for a time, but is not the fullness of holiness and flourishing that the Lord desires for us.
That's sure alot of air traffic control going on in a house! It's curious to visit your practices. I'm nearing retirement and finding cheerfulness, (and joy), more frequently spilling out! At work, we have a drama, conflict, personality and whatever else show regularly unscheduled most days! But what you do resets our foundation to get along, give grace, and be cheerful. You're in the construction business, Sara! Great post!
This is something that’s been coming up again and again for me in prayer/reflection when I look back on my day; so often what I most regret is being crabby and the way my crabbiness led me to speak to my family. One of my favorite prayers I’ve been trying to make myself do in the tough moments is “Lord Jesus Christ, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.” It puts me in my place/reminds me of what I am hoping for. Thank you as always for your many suggestions-it’s been a while since my husband and I have read out loud to each other-might have to get back into that!
I try to find out what’s happening to cause a person to feel grouchy. More often than not, it’s fatigue, sadness, or fear about something. I see this regularly in my work in a dental office. When the cause is gently discovered and helped, the cheerfulness naturally follows. The same is true of our children and ourselves. Sometimes we all need extra love and support.
I don’t know that we owe anyone cheerfulness per se but to grant it to others regardless of if it’s owed seems like a nice and good thing. When I get frustrated and need to let it go and be cheerful, it helps me to think about how I want my wife and children to think of me. I want them to see me as a man who is joyful and control of his emotions, even in difficult circumstances. Taking a breath and thinking of that help. I should do that more often than I do!
Romans 13:8 talks about the debt of love. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves (“Bless the Lord O my soul”) and our feelings will follow the obedience. And as a mother, especially, does set the tone for her family, I believe, I try to ‘put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness’.
Ok I never thought that I would 'owe' another cheerfulness but I love the reframing of how we think about being cheerful. I struggle with this with the kids especially so this is super encouraging. Thanks for sharing your heart!!
Girl, me too. It’s always so comforting to hear that other people struggle with cheerfulness, honestly. Feels weird to say, especially facing down the child-rearing years. And yes, that reframe has been unexpected and has been something I’ve had to really challenge myself to accept, but when I do “submit” to that mindset, it bears a lot of fruit.
I..... feel called out by this post...... My mom had a saying that she’d say ~often~ ; “put a smile on your face and a song in your heart.” I’m still working on that in a genuine light instead of using positivity or cheerfulness as a mask or bandaid fix to hide the negativity or bad mood behind in disapproving company. I probably (definitely) needed to read this... Thanks for writing!
Ha, me too. You make such an important distinction here—cheerfulness as a virtue and cheerfulness as a mask are NOT the same thing! The latter might have served us well for self-protection for a time, but is not the fullness of holiness and flourishing that the Lord desires for us.
That's sure alot of air traffic control going on in a house! It's curious to visit your practices. I'm nearing retirement and finding cheerfulness, (and joy), more frequently spilling out! At work, we have a drama, conflict, personality and whatever else show regularly unscheduled most days! But what you do resets our foundation to get along, give grace, and be cheerful. You're in the construction business, Sara! Great post!
Thanks, friend! All we can do is, like you said, focus on our own foundation and construction, and lean on God in those moments of drama!
This is something that’s been coming up again and again for me in prayer/reflection when I look back on my day; so often what I most regret is being crabby and the way my crabbiness led me to speak to my family. One of my favorite prayers I’ve been trying to make myself do in the tough moments is “Lord Jesus Christ, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.” It puts me in my place/reminds me of what I am hoping for. Thank you as always for your many suggestions-it’s been a while since my husband and I have read out loud to each other-might have to get back into that!
I try to find out what’s happening to cause a person to feel grouchy. More often than not, it’s fatigue, sadness, or fear about something. I see this regularly in my work in a dental office. When the cause is gently discovered and helped, the cheerfulness naturally follows. The same is true of our children and ourselves. Sometimes we all need extra love and support.
I don’t know that we owe anyone cheerfulness per se but to grant it to others regardless of if it’s owed seems like a nice and good thing. When I get frustrated and need to let it go and be cheerful, it helps me to think about how I want my wife and children to think of me. I want them to see me as a man who is joyful and control of his emotions, even in difficult circumstances. Taking a breath and thinking of that help. I should do that more often than I do!
Romans 13:8 talks about the debt of love. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves (“Bless the Lord O my soul”) and our feelings will follow the obedience. And as a mother, especially, does set the tone for her family, I believe, I try to ‘put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness’.