Be Steadfast (Persistent, Persevering, Committed)

WEEK 3: Ten Potty Training Ways of Being

If you’d like to access the introduction/Table of Contents for this series, you can do so here.

Photo by Eduardo Soares on Unsplash

Our third virtue from our list of the Ten Potty Training Ways of Being is steadfastness. Being steadfast means being firmly committed, unwavering, and persevering through challenges. While steadfastness is closely related consistency which we discussed last week, steadfastness has more to do with our attitude while consistency has more to do with our habits.¹

Be steadfast – Start as you mean to go on. Be committed and (in a good way) ruthless. This is your chance to show your child how to commit to something and follow through, to not waver, to not give in or back off. If your mind is not fully made up on whether it’s right to potty train at this time, or in this way, your child will respond by not fully taking to potty training. Make up your mind and be steadfast with your decision. Follow through. You can do it.

- Andrea Olson, The Tiny Potty Training Book (affiliate link)

When we talk about being steadfast, as the excerpt above implies, we are referring to an internal conviction or attitude that, to some degree, exists independently of our habits and actions. So while it is, of course, important to commit firmly to habits we want to build, and to set ourselves up for success in those habits, it’s also important for us to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually committed.

St. Thomas Aquinas says of perseverance:

The virtue of perseverance properly makes man persist firmly in good, against the difficulty that arises from the very continuance of the act

- Summa Theologiae, IIaIIae, q.137, a.3²

In other words, perseverance or steadfastness is the virtue of continuing to do something that is good even though it is also difficult. It is, in a sense, a virtue that relates to other virtues: we want to persevere in humility, in charity, in generosity, and in all the other virtues. When we decide to pursue growth in one of those virtues, it is perseverance that allows us both to start as we mean to go on, and to go on as we started. After the initial zeal and enthusiasm have worn off, and all that remains is the intellectual or spiritual commitment, perseverance is the virtue by which we stay the course.

The vices opposite to this virtue include reluctance, procrastination, indecision, and lack of commitment. We think of Augustine’s teenage prayer, “Lord, make me chaste, but not yet.”³ When we know the right thing, but either refuse to begin or sputter out after having begun, we can pray for perseverance as we begin again. (And again, and again, and again.)⁴

And, as a final thought, in the same way that consistency might often involve upfront work to set ourselves up for success, I would argue that steadfastness might often involve the upfront work of evaluating our capacity and setting realistic goals and expectations, such that we won’t get bogged down or discouraged. This, for me, is one of the biggest temptations to abandoning a virtuous habit I want to practice: one day, it just feels like too much and once I’ve skipped one day, there’s no going back.

With that in mind, let’s take a few minutes to brainstorm a few situations in our daily lives where perseverance might be practiced.

With ourselves: Follow through on (realistic!) goals in our personal, professional, and family lives. Choose to practice a particular virtue every day for a week. Start working on a long-term project and commit to finishing it. Put a small amount of one food on your plate that you don’t love, and eat it. If you realize you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, acknowledge it in an honest and timely manner and adjust your commitment.

In prayer: Select a (small!) time and/or discipline and show up every day for a week. Gradually increase until you’re satisfied, and then stretch yourself just a little more. Lean in with curiosity when you experience reluctance, and bring that reluctance to the Lord as your prayer.

With children: Remain patient after the 85th “Mama!” since the kids woke up an hour ago. Respond to (reasonable! and possible!) requests promptly and cheerfully. Don’t tell your kids about plans before they’re set in stone. Don’t commit to more than you’ll be willing and able to follow through with. Avoid the “just this once” trap when it comes to behaviors or allowances you don’t want to continue in the long term.

With friends: When they share a joy or struggle, follow up a few days later to check in with them. Don’t get deeply invested in every single person you meet, but do stay deeply invested in your key circle. Surround yourself with people who are also striving after holiness and build one another up through prayer and encouragement.

With spouses: Don’t cheat on your spouse. (Just giving you a freebie here.) Continue to show up in arguments with an attitude of gentleness and charity. Assume the best motivations rather than the worse. Spend quality time together regularly and invest in one another’s lives and interests.

Do you see consistency and perseverance to be two different virtues, or two sides of the same coin? Where are you currently strong or faithful in persevering, and how can you apply that same habit or virtue to an area where you need improvement?

1. We could clean the bathroom weekly without a firm conviction that doing so is important; likewise, we could firmly believe that cleaning the bathroom is important, but still waver and procrastinate when it came time to do the cleaning.

2. The quote continues, in relevance to our discussion last week:

constancy makes him persist firmly in good against difficulties arising from any other external hindrances

3. Confessions 8.7

4. I in no way intend to imply that every instance of procrastination is an intense moral failing; goodness knows that we put things off “for tomorrow” for a wide variety of reasons; rather, that when we have committed to doing something in our spiritual lives and do not follow through, we are lacking in the virtue of perseverance. Luckily for us, For an in-depth exploration of beginning again, I highly recommend Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV’s Overcoming Spiritual Discouragement.