Last year I discovered Mystie Winckler’s Simply Convivial blog and membership. It helps me not drown :)
She is all about beating perfectionism. The very first thing you learn in her membership is to “start with ten minutes.” You literally set a timer for ten minutes, do a task you’ve been procrastinating, and stop when the timer goes off.
She is also really big on “alignments” which is a Christian version of affirmations. For example, I have an alignment about what kind of wife, mother, Christian, and parishioner (some vocations I identified for myself) I am. (Joyful, happy, fun, antifragile, strong, lighthearted, friendly, etc) I read this to myself every morning, along with a lot of others and they really help to get me in a good headspace, especially because I’m not a morning person at all, lol.
As for the cycle, I read a few books about that a few years ago and was interested in the idea of matching my activities/expectations for myself to the various phases, but for whatever reason gravitate more towards just being flexible on a day-by-day basis. I also do a weekly review every week to prepare for the following week, which allows me to build in a lot of flexibility, based on what we have been doing, my energy level, and what we have planned.
This sounds lovely! I had a therapist a few years ago who recommended finding some quotes that really spoke to the person I want to be, and reading them aloud every morning. It really does make such a difference in mindset!
And yeah, overall cycle syncing really overwhelms me HA! I want to be the kind of person who has follow through to be flexible on a day by day basis--I'm so glad that the structure you've got in place is serving you well!
Just remembered I never found these! Let me go snag a picture and I'll pop them here in the thread. They're a few years old by now... it'd be interesting to do a new list!
I wonder, Sara, if instead of thinking of cycle syncing as something else to optimize (because oh my gosh, is productivity actually the most important thing?) it would serve many of us better to simply have an awareness that we might need to adjust our expectations and offer ourselves some compassion at certain times. Sometimes just knowing, “huh, it’s my luteal phase and I have a huge to-do list written out, that’s probably setting myself up for a crash and burn”. Even aside from my menstrual cycle, I’ve had to learn what I can expect. If I am an absolute rock star with productivity one day, I know to expect that I will get about half of what I hope for done the following day. Once I put the pattern of “up day is always followed by down day” together it allowed me to stop beating myself up so much for not operating that way all the time. Most days are sort of in between, and it’s not realistic to expect to function at peak performance when the baby has been cutting teeth for a week 😆
Interesting piece, connecting our cycles and chores. My laundry schedule has shifted massively since early in my marriage. When my husband and I had no children, we did all of the laundry on one day per week, washing/drying/folding/putting away, together. Now that we are a family of 8, things look very different. I do laundry on most days of the week. Never more than a load or two each day though, so it is manageable. Laundry, to me, is a task (like cooking or washing dishes) that must be done daily (or nearly so) in order to avoid a mountain of laundry to fold. I also prefer to fold fresh/warm loads of laundry, and I would hate a mountain of cold and wrinkled clothes to fold. I’ve also kept my children’s wardrobes small so that it forces me to do laundry frequently; if I waited a month to fold and put away they would have long ago run out of things to wear!
I got into this habit when I was pregnant (I'm always in the best housekeeping groove in my third trimester, haha!) and I maintained it through last spring and summer. And then we started school in the fall and had some major life events around the holidays, and now I'm struggling. But, even if I can just get things washed and dried, and then brought upstairs, it helps keep it moving. We also have four huge baskets -- 2 white and 2 black. Black is dirty, white is clean. It really helps alleviate confusion when I don't get it folded and someone needs to go diving for socks. I've found that the thing that works the best is folding on my bed, but then of course the baby is still in our room, so when she's napping I can't fold... and with her tearing everything apart it's hard to do it when she's around. So I'll go put her to bed, see the laundry I ambitiously dumped on the bed earlier, and have to quickly sweep it into the basket. I've recently made the concession that I might just have to fold it in the living room after I put her to sleep. But, the older boys now fold their own laundry, so another helpful thing has been separating clothes by "things i care about" and "boys clothes and dish towels" and then I just don't look at how they fold things (I do periodically spend time teaching them and then I just walk away and let them do their best).
All this to say. Laundry might be a problem that is never quite solved.
Yes! My goal is to get to a place where I'm doing a load or two a day and just getting it done start to finish because you're exactly right, if you can just get it done promptly, it doesn't feel as overwhelming. I do think I need to do some purging in this upcoming seasonal change. My girls are 21 months apart but wearing the same size clothing, so somewhere in the 12-18-24 month size switch, I stopped re-binning the too-small clothes, and that definitely hasn't helped anything!
As always a fascinating read. Housework has been a lot on my mind lately with number #3 on the way, and trying to think through “how the heck to make my house less of a disaster while also adding #3.” I really appreciate your different insights/ideas!
I could not for the life of me stick to a "cleaning schedule", but man when that energy and motivation strikes for some of the heavier or more involved grunt-work, I embrace it! And things that require different energy, focus, or effort I do at other times. It's definitely based off how I'm feeling physically and mentally. There's a place for the steady work of discipline but also space for working with ourselves, not against a normal experience of energy fluctuations.
This has been going on intuitively for a while now, but hearing you spell it out in this way was so wonderful!
Now I'm wondering if all of my "random" purge moods are correlated to my cycle 😂
But in all seriousness, that's such a great point! I have had a lot more extreme cycle-related mood swings since having Dominic (I think we've discussed this) but the positive of that is that I have had to accommodate my cycle so much more, instead of just muscling through things, especially as relates to parenting small children. Adapting a chore chart around your cycle seems mind-blowing but also like why didn't I think of this before???
YES! My mood swings are more dramatic than they've been probably since middle or high school, honestly. And it's humbling and draining and bringing up a lot of things I'm working through, but I am really trying to take that attitude of, "This is a chance to embrace humility and learn to respond to my needs".
And yes plz lmk if you notice a correlation I can't be the only one, right?
You're definitely not the only one! I know at least that I am (much) more patient and engaged with the kiddos during my follicular phase (I've joked with Anthony that we should never decide to TTC during a follicular phase - only during the luteal phase/the midst of period exhaustion, since that's more like what the first trimester entails 😂). Recently I've even noticed that I have more natural inspiration and writing energy during my follicular phase, and I shouldn't trust my self-esteem in that area right before a period.
My laundry jam happens between the folding and the putting away… I avoid the putting away at such high cost that the basket only gets emptied when I need to fill it again, but I could fold clothes all day long. Thus the ever full basket of folded clothes that sits in my bedroom in front of the dresser, items mere inches away from where they are “supposed” to be. I wouldn’t say there’s shame about it, but I don’t like looking at the basket and being reminded that I actually do have to put the clothes away.
I’ve been in a rut lately when it comes to cleaning/tidying the house. “Oh we just moved and it’s ok to still be getting into the swing of things” is (as an excuse) becoming less and less believable with every week that passes. But I’ve broken my house into sections again to restart my dice rolling randomization of where to start because it’s easier to get started if the plan has been made (aka my favorite form of procrastination)... I’ll take this post as the kick in the butt to actually do the thing. Momentum begets momentum right?
Something like that! I wonder if there's a way you could try to minimize the resistance to putting clothes away--purging so there's less squishing? open shelving so you can see what's available? Heck, I've considered hanging my t-shirts before in seasons when I don't want to fold them.
And yes, the first step to getting back into routine is so hard!
I definitely already hang most of my tshirts in an effort to wear them more frequently, and I keep my jeans on the shelves in our closet. It's really just gym clothes and pjs (and the husband's clothes) in the dresser, but even then the motivation to actually put them on the hanger/shelf/dresser drawer is infinitesimal. But they get put away, just more in a "when at first you don't succeed..." type of way haha
Here's looking at Day 1 of getting back on the horse!
Sara, just so you know, your laundry room looks like everyone else's laundry room/space I've seen, regardless of martial or parenting status. It's hard to stay on top of something that just keeps respawning no matter what we do. ;)
Thank you for the reminder that listening to our bodies is so important. As a society, women are relearning to pay attention to what our bodies say, not just what our lucid mind says. Modernity's embrace of "unlimited human potential" has only served to remind us just how mortal and limited our bodies are. But the good news is, our faith also reminds us that we're created in God's Image and the limitations can actually be blessings if we work with them instead of against them.
"just keeps respawning" I love this phrase haha. So true! And yes, this perspective is so important--our bodies remind us that we can't be everything to everyone all the time! Our limits can be humbling, but they can also be such a powerful motivator to turn back to the Lord again and again!
Hi Sara! Though this isn't really my writing wheelhouse, I would be happy to discuss this sort of thing with you IRL if you'd like to grab coffee sometime (we could go out, or you could come here and observe my mountain of unfolded garmentry and feel better!)
So well-said, Sara! The menstrual cycle, the life hacks, and perhaps most importantly, the reality that we do have to do housework, but we don't have to fit a particular model of doing housework! We are in charge!!
I’ve thought about how my cycle impacts my productivity levels. And worked on actively being patient with myself when not as productive. I definitely wish I feel like I do when I’m ovulating every day of the month.
As for laundry, my husband has always seen this as part of his chore list and he will watch a show and fold the load I started earlier in the day. He grew up with two working parents and I think this really helps. He is also a very ordered person, so over the last 8 years of marriage he has helped me change my mindset on chores. I grew up in a house that was cluttered. My mom always blamed it on having kids, but not surprising her house is even more cluttered now that she and my dad are empty nesters and she doesn’t have teens cleaning her stuff out for her…
"I definitely wish I feel like I do when I'm ovulating every day of the month." Girl, you get me.
Your point about family of origin is so important as well--our expectations are set before we consciously become aware of them, and those deep-rooted patterns and habits can be difficult to shift! I've definitely seen a lot of fruit and growth in areas where James' and my families of origin did things very differently. We've been able to really meet in the middle or make intentional decisions about how we want to do things as our own family.
I am always falling behind. It makes me want to cry. I think if I had a full time job I’d be drowning. I don’t know how anybody can do this in a two income household or a single parent household.
I have two adult children with special needs who cannot do laundry at all so it’s really hard to do a whole family of seven, given the givens. But we don’t have a laundry room. Everything gets folded on my bed and if I want to sleep later then I have a strong motivation for folding. Sometimes chores just get done because there is no choice. It’s extremely hard having no help with chores though.
Zina, my heart goes out to you--the folding on the bed scenario in particular is such an unexpectedly difficult one for me because it leaves me feeling like two needs (clean clothes & sleep) are at odds with one another, which makes the hurdle to jump feel that much higher.
Lately I’ve been immersed in war poetry and with many news reports coming out from Gaza and Ukraine… I often have to remind myself that running water, clean clothes, a roof above us and all other basic matters are such blessings. Not that it diminishes true feelings of overwhelm, but it very thing is a matter of rightly ordered priorities and so forth. I’ve taken to listening to Jane Austen (P&P currently) and folding in my bedroom is more enjoyable. And when kids come in I say, “Oh good, you can help me!” And they rush out, thus giving me some blessed alone time with Jane. 😂📚
What an interesting Monday morning read - and fitting with the 3 laundry baskets of clean laundry stacked by my bed. I read how to keep house while drowning last year and hated it- albeit finding some of the specific housework tips useful - I didn’t find any room in the author’s philosophy for taking pride in one’s homemaking/housekeeping and keeping it a part of one’s identity. Perhaps this is because I was lucky enough to grow up in a comfortably “cluttercore” home so I don’t feel the same overwhelm and pressure at my own mt clean laundry as HTKHWD intended audience…my desires to keep a tidier house are more self motivated than imposed by external pressures I was raised with.
Carolyn, I know exactly what you mean. I would love one day to do a deep dive on the book and look at some of the ways that her attitude and mindset seems to differ from a more traditional homemaking/Christian worldview about chores. I've seen this a lot with secular "self-help" or marriage/homemaking/family life books--there are some really great practical tips, but the foundations are totally different from my own.
I am here for it! It's the reason i've left several pop parenting books like "hunt gather parent" unfinished...often seems like these books purposefully ignore the heritage we have inherited from women of bygone generations to reinvent the wheel of how to be a wife & mother without any of the shining light of inner purpose that, frankly, is all that keeps me going most days.
Oooooh girl HGP is another I’ve read and gleaned some good things from but yeah her whole lifestyle and philosophy is just so different from mine. I like to jokingly call it “parentourism” lol
It’s heartening to see other women talk about their cycle syncing up with the way they do housework and participate in their social life. It makes me feel less like I’m a crazy person….and at the same time, makes me wish we’d do a better job educating women about the phases of our cycle rather than just expecting us to do it all. The line about the modern feminists just continuing the expectation for women functioning like men got me, lol.
But now…I must go tackle my own pile of clean laundry and see if I can get it sorted and put away while my boys are actually getting along. (Our laundry is currently in a stack of baskets in the corner of my room. All clean, all sorted…it just needs to be put away. That’s my sticking point, for some reason.)
There’s always a block somewhere! I’m rounding the corner of my cycle and feel myself slowing down… but I got a lot done these last couple weeks so I’m just going to let it be. It does feel crazy-making sometimes when our energy levels fluctuate so much!
Great insights here. I’m in a small book group that met right after I read this. Our reading topic? The Taming of the Shrew (truth is always stranger than fiction, ha). We came away sympathetic to Petruchio, because he has a plan to reform Katherine, and ultimately his plan is for her good as well as his. But we also ended up discussing how to balance self-responsibility with the humble recognition that sometimes (most times?) we need other people to help us break our bad habits. Like would Katherine have been convinced to change her behavior if someone (a mother? No figures like this in the play, which isn’t an accident, we thought) had explained cycle patterns and syncing to her? Maybe, maybe not. At the least, it seems reasonable to conclude that women should take some responsibility for themselves, including knowing about our cycles and adjusting our expectations and behaviors how we can.
I’m going to be thinking about this for awhile. So thanks for sparking a lot of thoughts, Sara!
I have yet to read Taming! It seems like a wild story, for sure, and I’m so glad that this piece provided the “background” or context for your discussion in some way!
AHHH I loved How to Keep House While Drowning -- best thing for around here from it was what I calll the "Overwhelm List." It has four discrete tasks on it that, in order, make the kitchen/living area livable again in about 25 minutes. But one of the things I realized in reading it was the first thing that needs to be done in any cleaning task is to handle the "AH YOU'RE A SLOB" voice in the back of my head. I loved reading about the curiosity and compassion you're offering to yourself at the base of Mt. Clean Laundry. You are doing SO GOOD. ❤️
I loved this post.
Last year I discovered Mystie Winckler’s Simply Convivial blog and membership. It helps me not drown :)
She is all about beating perfectionism. The very first thing you learn in her membership is to “start with ten minutes.” You literally set a timer for ten minutes, do a task you’ve been procrastinating, and stop when the timer goes off.
She is also really big on “alignments” which is a Christian version of affirmations. For example, I have an alignment about what kind of wife, mother, Christian, and parishioner (some vocations I identified for myself) I am. (Joyful, happy, fun, antifragile, strong, lighthearted, friendly, etc) I read this to myself every morning, along with a lot of others and they really help to get me in a good headspace, especially because I’m not a morning person at all, lol.
As for the cycle, I read a few books about that a few years ago and was interested in the idea of matching my activities/expectations for myself to the various phases, but for whatever reason gravitate more towards just being flexible on a day-by-day basis. I also do a weekly review every week to prepare for the following week, which allows me to build in a lot of flexibility, based on what we have been doing, my energy level, and what we have planned.
Once again, loved the post! 💕
This sounds lovely! I had a therapist a few years ago who recommended finding some quotes that really spoke to the person I want to be, and reading them aloud every morning. It really does make such a difference in mindset!
And yeah, overall cycle syncing really overwhelms me HA! I want to be the kind of person who has follow through to be flexible on a day by day basis--I'm so glad that the structure you've got in place is serving you well!
Please share the quotes that you use! Catie, too! :) I’d love to see what inspires you ladies.
Just remembered I never found these! Let me go snag a picture and I'll pop them here in the thread. They're a few years old by now... it'd be interesting to do a new list!
I wonder, Sara, if instead of thinking of cycle syncing as something else to optimize (because oh my gosh, is productivity actually the most important thing?) it would serve many of us better to simply have an awareness that we might need to adjust our expectations and offer ourselves some compassion at certain times. Sometimes just knowing, “huh, it’s my luteal phase and I have a huge to-do list written out, that’s probably setting myself up for a crash and burn”. Even aside from my menstrual cycle, I’ve had to learn what I can expect. If I am an absolute rock star with productivity one day, I know to expect that I will get about half of what I hope for done the following day. Once I put the pattern of “up day is always followed by down day” together it allowed me to stop beating myself up so much for not operating that way all the time. Most days are sort of in between, and it’s not realistic to expect to function at peak performance when the baby has been cutting teeth for a week 😆
Interesting piece, connecting our cycles and chores. My laundry schedule has shifted massively since early in my marriage. When my husband and I had no children, we did all of the laundry on one day per week, washing/drying/folding/putting away, together. Now that we are a family of 8, things look very different. I do laundry on most days of the week. Never more than a load or two each day though, so it is manageable. Laundry, to me, is a task (like cooking or washing dishes) that must be done daily (or nearly so) in order to avoid a mountain of laundry to fold. I also prefer to fold fresh/warm loads of laundry, and I would hate a mountain of cold and wrinkled clothes to fold. I’ve also kept my children’s wardrobes small so that it forces me to do laundry frequently; if I waited a month to fold and put away they would have long ago run out of things to wear!
I hope you find what works for you!
I got into this habit when I was pregnant (I'm always in the best housekeeping groove in my third trimester, haha!) and I maintained it through last spring and summer. And then we started school in the fall and had some major life events around the holidays, and now I'm struggling. But, even if I can just get things washed and dried, and then brought upstairs, it helps keep it moving. We also have four huge baskets -- 2 white and 2 black. Black is dirty, white is clean. It really helps alleviate confusion when I don't get it folded and someone needs to go diving for socks. I've found that the thing that works the best is folding on my bed, but then of course the baby is still in our room, so when she's napping I can't fold... and with her tearing everything apart it's hard to do it when she's around. So I'll go put her to bed, see the laundry I ambitiously dumped on the bed earlier, and have to quickly sweep it into the basket. I've recently made the concession that I might just have to fold it in the living room after I put her to sleep. But, the older boys now fold their own laundry, so another helpful thing has been separating clothes by "things i care about" and "boys clothes and dish towels" and then I just don't look at how they fold things (I do periodically spend time teaching them and then I just walk away and let them do their best).
All this to say. Laundry might be a problem that is never quite solved.
It’s definitely a task that keeps changing as our families shift and grow (as all household chores are!)
Yes, I'm team wash+fold+put away a load a day. And I literally will not take them out or fold until they are (re)warmed!
Yes! The warm laundry is a joy to fold!
Yes! My goal is to get to a place where I'm doing a load or two a day and just getting it done start to finish because you're exactly right, if you can just get it done promptly, it doesn't feel as overwhelming. I do think I need to do some purging in this upcoming seasonal change. My girls are 21 months apart but wearing the same size clothing, so somewhere in the 12-18-24 month size switch, I stopped re-binning the too-small clothes, and that definitely hasn't helped anything!
As always a fascinating read. Housework has been a lot on my mind lately with number #3 on the way, and trying to think through “how the heck to make my house less of a disaster while also adding #3.” I really appreciate your different insights/ideas!
Perpetually asking this with two kids 😂 prayers for a healthy pregnancy and a smooth transition!
I’m here with #2–new babies are certainly motivating haha
YES SARA YESSSS.
I could not for the life of me stick to a "cleaning schedule", but man when that energy and motivation strikes for some of the heavier or more involved grunt-work, I embrace it! And things that require different energy, focus, or effort I do at other times. It's definitely based off how I'm feeling physically and mentally. There's a place for the steady work of discipline but also space for working with ourselves, not against a normal experience of energy fluctuations.
This has been going on intuitively for a while now, but hearing you spell it out in this way was so wonderful!
So glad you enjoyed!
Now I'm wondering if all of my "random" purge moods are correlated to my cycle 😂
But in all seriousness, that's such a great point! I have had a lot more extreme cycle-related mood swings since having Dominic (I think we've discussed this) but the positive of that is that I have had to accommodate my cycle so much more, instead of just muscling through things, especially as relates to parenting small children. Adapting a chore chart around your cycle seems mind-blowing but also like why didn't I think of this before???
YES! My mood swings are more dramatic than they've been probably since middle or high school, honestly. And it's humbling and draining and bringing up a lot of things I'm working through, but I am really trying to take that attitude of, "This is a chance to embrace humility and learn to respond to my needs".
And yes plz lmk if you notice a correlation I can't be the only one, right?
You're definitely not the only one! I know at least that I am (much) more patient and engaged with the kiddos during my follicular phase (I've joked with Anthony that we should never decide to TTC during a follicular phase - only during the luteal phase/the midst of period exhaustion, since that's more like what the first trimester entails 😂). Recently I've even noticed that I have more natural inspiration and writing energy during my follicular phase, and I shouldn't trust my self-esteem in that area right before a period.
All of it is so real lol. So grateful for the gift of knowledge here.
My laundry jam happens between the folding and the putting away… I avoid the putting away at such high cost that the basket only gets emptied when I need to fill it again, but I could fold clothes all day long. Thus the ever full basket of folded clothes that sits in my bedroom in front of the dresser, items mere inches away from where they are “supposed” to be. I wouldn’t say there’s shame about it, but I don’t like looking at the basket and being reminded that I actually do have to put the clothes away.
I’ve been in a rut lately when it comes to cleaning/tidying the house. “Oh we just moved and it’s ok to still be getting into the swing of things” is (as an excuse) becoming less and less believable with every week that passes. But I’ve broken my house into sections again to restart my dice rolling randomization of where to start because it’s easier to get started if the plan has been made (aka my favorite form of procrastination)... I’ll take this post as the kick in the butt to actually do the thing. Momentum begets momentum right?
Something like that! I wonder if there's a way you could try to minimize the resistance to putting clothes away--purging so there's less squishing? open shelving so you can see what's available? Heck, I've considered hanging my t-shirts before in seasons when I don't want to fold them.
And yes, the first step to getting back into routine is so hard!
I definitely already hang most of my tshirts in an effort to wear them more frequently, and I keep my jeans on the shelves in our closet. It's really just gym clothes and pjs (and the husband's clothes) in the dresser, but even then the motivation to actually put them on the hanger/shelf/dresser drawer is infinitesimal. But they get put away, just more in a "when at first you don't succeed..." type of way haha
Here's looking at Day 1 of getting back on the horse!
Sara, just so you know, your laundry room looks like everyone else's laundry room/space I've seen, regardless of martial or parenting status. It's hard to stay on top of something that just keeps respawning no matter what we do. ;)
Thank you for the reminder that listening to our bodies is so important. As a society, women are relearning to pay attention to what our bodies say, not just what our lucid mind says. Modernity's embrace of "unlimited human potential" has only served to remind us just how mortal and limited our bodies are. But the good news is, our faith also reminds us that we're created in God's Image and the limitations can actually be blessings if we work with them instead of against them.
"just keeps respawning" I love this phrase haha. So true! And yes, this perspective is so important--our bodies remind us that we can't be everything to everyone all the time! Our limits can be humbling, but they can also be such a powerful motivator to turn back to the Lord again and again!
Hi Sara! Though this isn't really my writing wheelhouse, I would be happy to discuss this sort of thing with you IRL if you'd like to grab coffee sometime (we could go out, or you could come here and observe my mountain of unfolded garmentry and feel better!)
Ah, yes, that would be so lovely! I'll shoot you an email!
So well-said, Sara! The menstrual cycle, the life hacks, and perhaps most importantly, the reality that we do have to do housework, but we don't have to fit a particular model of doing housework! We are in charge!!
It is so freeing.
I’ve thought about how my cycle impacts my productivity levels. And worked on actively being patient with myself when not as productive. I definitely wish I feel like I do when I’m ovulating every day of the month.
As for laundry, my husband has always seen this as part of his chore list and he will watch a show and fold the load I started earlier in the day. He grew up with two working parents and I think this really helps. He is also a very ordered person, so over the last 8 years of marriage he has helped me change my mindset on chores. I grew up in a house that was cluttered. My mom always blamed it on having kids, but not surprising her house is even more cluttered now that she and my dad are empty nesters and she doesn’t have teens cleaning her stuff out for her…
"I definitely wish I feel like I do when I'm ovulating every day of the month." Girl, you get me.
Your point about family of origin is so important as well--our expectations are set before we consciously become aware of them, and those deep-rooted patterns and habits can be difficult to shift! I've definitely seen a lot of fruit and growth in areas where James' and my families of origin did things very differently. We've been able to really meet in the middle or make intentional decisions about how we want to do things as our own family.
I have followed the Flylady off and on for 20 years or more now. She always called it Mount Washmore. (https://www.flylady.net/d/br/2018/08/01/conquering-mount-washmore/)
I am always falling behind. It makes me want to cry. I think if I had a full time job I’d be drowning. I don’t know how anybody can do this in a two income household or a single parent household.
I have two adult children with special needs who cannot do laundry at all so it’s really hard to do a whole family of seven, given the givens. But we don’t have a laundry room. Everything gets folded on my bed and if I want to sleep later then I have a strong motivation for folding. Sometimes chores just get done because there is no choice. It’s extremely hard having no help with chores though.
MOUNT WASHMORE!
Zina, my heart goes out to you--the folding on the bed scenario in particular is such an unexpectedly difficult one for me because it leaves me feeling like two needs (clean clothes & sleep) are at odds with one another, which makes the hurdle to jump feel that much higher.
Lately I’ve been immersed in war poetry and with many news reports coming out from Gaza and Ukraine… I often have to remind myself that running water, clean clothes, a roof above us and all other basic matters are such blessings. Not that it diminishes true feelings of overwhelm, but it very thing is a matter of rightly ordered priorities and so forth. I’ve taken to listening to Jane Austen (P&P currently) and folding in my bedroom is more enjoyable. And when kids come in I say, “Oh good, you can help me!” And they rush out, thus giving me some blessed alone time with Jane. 😂📚
What an interesting Monday morning read - and fitting with the 3 laundry baskets of clean laundry stacked by my bed. I read how to keep house while drowning last year and hated it- albeit finding some of the specific housework tips useful - I didn’t find any room in the author’s philosophy for taking pride in one’s homemaking/housekeeping and keeping it a part of one’s identity. Perhaps this is because I was lucky enough to grow up in a comfortably “cluttercore” home so I don’t feel the same overwhelm and pressure at my own mt clean laundry as HTKHWD intended audience…my desires to keep a tidier house are more self motivated than imposed by external pressures I was raised with.
Carolyn, I know exactly what you mean. I would love one day to do a deep dive on the book and look at some of the ways that her attitude and mindset seems to differ from a more traditional homemaking/Christian worldview about chores. I've seen this a lot with secular "self-help" or marriage/homemaking/family life books--there are some really great practical tips, but the foundations are totally different from my own.
I am here for it! It's the reason i've left several pop parenting books like "hunt gather parent" unfinished...often seems like these books purposefully ignore the heritage we have inherited from women of bygone generations to reinvent the wheel of how to be a wife & mother without any of the shining light of inner purpose that, frankly, is all that keeps me going most days.
Oooooh girl HGP is another I’ve read and gleaned some good things from but yeah her whole lifestyle and philosophy is just so different from mine. I like to jokingly call it “parentourism” lol
It’s heartening to see other women talk about their cycle syncing up with the way they do housework and participate in their social life. It makes me feel less like I’m a crazy person….and at the same time, makes me wish we’d do a better job educating women about the phases of our cycle rather than just expecting us to do it all. The line about the modern feminists just continuing the expectation for women functioning like men got me, lol.
But now…I must go tackle my own pile of clean laundry and see if I can get it sorted and put away while my boys are actually getting along. (Our laundry is currently in a stack of baskets in the corner of my room. All clean, all sorted…it just needs to be put away. That’s my sticking point, for some reason.)
There’s always a block somewhere! I’m rounding the corner of my cycle and feel myself slowing down… but I got a lot done these last couple weeks so I’m just going to let it be. It does feel crazy-making sometimes when our energy levels fluctuate so much!
Great insights here. I’m in a small book group that met right after I read this. Our reading topic? The Taming of the Shrew (truth is always stranger than fiction, ha). We came away sympathetic to Petruchio, because he has a plan to reform Katherine, and ultimately his plan is for her good as well as his. But we also ended up discussing how to balance self-responsibility with the humble recognition that sometimes (most times?) we need other people to help us break our bad habits. Like would Katherine have been convinced to change her behavior if someone (a mother? No figures like this in the play, which isn’t an accident, we thought) had explained cycle patterns and syncing to her? Maybe, maybe not. At the least, it seems reasonable to conclude that women should take some responsibility for themselves, including knowing about our cycles and adjusting our expectations and behaviors how we can.
I’m going to be thinking about this for awhile. So thanks for sparking a lot of thoughts, Sara!
I have yet to read Taming! It seems like a wild story, for sure, and I’m so glad that this piece provided the “background” or context for your discussion in some way!
AHHH I loved How to Keep House While Drowning -- best thing for around here from it was what I calll the "Overwhelm List." It has four discrete tasks on it that, in order, make the kitchen/living area livable again in about 25 minutes. But one of the things I realized in reading it was the first thing that needs to be done in any cleaning task is to handle the "AH YOU'RE A SLOB" voice in the back of my head. I loved reading about the curiosity and compassion you're offering to yourself at the base of Mt. Clean Laundry. You are doing SO GOOD. ❤️