One of my favorite things about our current church (where we just had our last Sunday 😭) is a little note in the bulletin that says, “to families with young children” and then explains that we’re so glad you’re here, we know children tend to squawk a bit so don’t be embarrassed, the liturgy belongs to children too. It encourages parents to sit up front, shares where the cry room and changing table is and says, “hurry back!” if you have to take a child out.
I love this! And I think there's a lot to be said about having parents actively communicate ideas like these to our pastors. I'm only beginning to see these needs myself now that I'm a mom! So I can see how easy it would be for those in charge (notoriously celibate men!) to just have no idea about what could be helpful for families. So I went ahead and forwarded this to my brother, a parish priest. He replied "I'm printing it out and will share it with my Parish Leadership Team. Thanks for thinking of me. Yes, this sort of thing is very helpful. It's always exciting to imagine how things at the parish could be more lively and life-giving."
(I only wish our own parish would take note, they have a sign in the bathroom telling parents to take dirty nappies with them or walk all the way outside to bin them...)
You're so right, Melody--so much of what we want to see is doable if we just take the time to ask for it! Thanks so much for sharing this with your brother. I'm glad he found it helpful! You've reminded me to touch base with our pastor about getting a few of these set up in our community as well.
(And oooooh girl, I'm so sorry--that sounds so frustrating!)
Amen to aaaalll of these. Our current church doesn’t have a diaper changing station in any of the two bathrooms-and that just really gets me. I would agree with notes in bulletins/occasional reminders at the start of mass that “yes children are welcome, yes they make noise and wiggle around, and yes-your job as a fellow parishioner is to be welcoming and not judgmental/glaring.” Something that is hard to implement but is a huge reason we love our current parish-the amount of people who come up to us before/after mass, no matter how loud are kids are, and say thank you for bringing them/God bless you for bringing them/what are their names” and then check in on us every week. It has taken away so much stress about policing my kids at church because I know the people around us delight in them as they are, and turns out I parent better when I’m. It hyper stressed about not rocking the proverbial boat. Ushers can do a lot to welcome kids too-our ushers always make sure to welcome our kids by name, give them their own bulletin, and make them feel seen/like they’re members too.
Yes! Having a community who really knows and loves the kiddos makes SUCH a difference in how we approach the Mass! I completely agree with you, too, that the girls (and the adults!) are all better-behaved when there's less pressure to keep totally quiet AND still the entire Mass. I tend to go in with the attitude that we'll try for one (quiet OR still)--sometimes we won't get either, and occasionally we get both. But aiming for one keeps my expectations in a healthier place.
My church does some of these (step stools to help the kids reach the sink, backpacks full of service-friendly books, toys, crayons, and coloring books) but not so much on the others. But…we’re getting ready to build a new church building, having completely outgrown our current one, and I’m on the interior building team. I’m going to save this list and use it when we’re buying things for bathrooms. (And yes! Changing tables in men’s bathrooms! I used to get so irritated as a young mom when there was no option for this…sometimes moms just need a break from diapers.)
Ooh, I always forget about the cry room because both of the parishes we attend regularly have the cry room that shares a window and A/V system with the sanctuary, so you can always hear and see (at least in theory). But yes, if the cry room is in a separate space, I think this can be helpful. (I have very mixed feelings about cry rooms and their place/usage in general, but that's also based on negative experiences of "this is just a free-range toy-infested playroom" rather than a hard-and-fast principle...)
As far as a Teaching Mass or a Children's Mass, I honestly can't remember if I've seen them done/done well (other than school Masses with my husband's fourth graders), so I don't have a frame of reference for that. What's been your experience? I love the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program because it offers a sort of meet-in-the-middle experience, where the children are invited to ponder the mysteries of the Mass in a context where they can touch, look, listen, ask questions, etc. without it being disruptive to the Mass itself.
What are your thoughts on mixing it up more within the pews, like kids sitting with other families? Occasionally our girls will go and sit with their godparents (they have older kids), and it's awesome. I don't know. I kind of have this utopian vision of it being normal to just hand a baby off to someone else.
We're very comfortable with this HA. Our girls don't have a ton of people yet who they're comfortable enough with to go and sit with, but they're the limiting factor more than we are. When James and I were married but before the girls were born, we'd often go with sit with our friends who had littles, and we really loved that experience, too.
This is really wonderful! Our church has some of this—the high chairs in the fellowship hall, stools in the bathroom—but could stand to have other things. I was *just* thinking about donating potty seat reducers yesterday, as I squatted awkwardly in a stall to support my toddler on the potty at 5mos pregnant and realized it wasn’t going to get any less awkward for a while lol.
This is WONDERFUL!! Having a stool at the bathroom sink makes an especially big difference. Occasionally I have donated one. They only cost $10, and it makes it so much easy for children to wash their hands!
Yes! I often forget about this one because our sweet 3yo is very small for her age, so even with a stool she usually still needs a boost... but we're finally getting to the point where a stool would facilitate that independence for her, so it's been on my mind recently. Such an easy (and, like you said) affordable way to help the kids feel welcomed.
The holy water fonts are a game changer! And probably having them accessible would help reduce the novelty of them over time--both my kids would spend the entire Mass in my arms at the adult-height font if I let them, just splashing around hehe
Literally printing out to give to our parish life director. We are admittedly NOT a young parish but we are going through a large scale renovation project in the next years and these things need to be incorporated.
St. Columba of Durango, come and visit! Hopefully we will have a potty seat reducer in our ONLY bathroom by next week because I am going out to buy one right now!
I'm so glad to hear this, Whitney, and honored that you're sharing with your parish! I'm a Texas gal, but wouldn't you know it--I've actually been to Durango a couple of times on family vacations back in the day!
Ooh! We literally just got our first issue of MagnifiKid for our kiddo; we've got Magificat for ourselves and she's interested but that looks like it's going to be really good for her.
(Also, TOTALLY AGREE re: the point about what it means to build a culture of life. Also also the point re dads changing diapers too. :)
(My experience is with Reformed Baptist / Presbyterian churches and services, but I think almost all of what I have to say would apply to Catholic parishes too.) It really helps to build a family culture if the leadership and other members of the church take the time to tell parents that they value and appreciate the participation of children in the service. My two-year-old is a firecracker, and training her to sit through church was *hard*. She had a phase around 15 months where all she wanted to do was babble throughout the entire (hour and a half) service. But people at my church started telling me how much they were encouraged by her enthusiastic participation in congregational responses and her robust attempts to sing the hymns. We just moved, and multiple people told me how much they will miss hearing her say “Thanks be to God!” and “Amen!” and “Hallelujah!” during church services.
While I like the idea of busy bags and books for kids to use in the service, and value the sentiment behind providing them, I do think they can be pretty distracting for kids (and others around them as the things are constantly falling) and also start sibling squabbles. Simply providing pencils, Bibles, and hymnals in the pews, and then paper bulletins, is just as effective, if not more so, than busy bags and books. My kids spent most services drawing on the bulletin, flipping through the pages of the Bible, etc. I also loved it when my church began providing a single sheet labeled “Sermon Notes for Kids” that had a place to draw a picture, write down the date, etc. My five-year-old is a pre-reader, but he enjoyed writing his name on the sermons and drawing a picture based on the passage for the sermon. We would fill in the rest of the page at home during lunch.
This is beautiful! It's so encouraging when the parishioners really do rally around young children--because it's true! I always do smile when I hear someone else's child belting out the responses or babbling repetitions of what they're hearing.
And yes--it's funny you should mention sibling squabbles because our girls are just getting to this age where they fight over books. We've learned not to bring stuffies or dolls to Mass, but now that the younger one is starting to enjoy books a little more, I think we're going to have to adjust our strategy again. Our first was (as first children often are) fairly obedient, if a little free-range, so she would walk around a bit but never too far from us. This second one, though, would absolutely be up on the altar if we didn't keep a hawk-eye on her. So much comes down to personality!
I love the idea of a sermon notes sheet! We're in a major coloring phase with the three-year-old, so she would be all over that, and I'd love something to help redirect her attention back to what's actually happening on the altar, rather than what crazy antics her sister is getting into. HA!
I also love hearing and seeing when a child (whether my own or someone else’s), through participating in songs or responses or whatever else, recognizes that the service is for her too, and not just something boring that’s for adults and that she simply has to fidget through! That burgeoning awareness that she is God’s creature and that God wants to reveal himself to her through song, sermon, and sacrament makes all the frustrating Sundays where no one can sit still or be quiet for thirty seconds worth it!
And those second-borns! They really keep us on our toes, don’t they? My husband and I like to tell each other that God made ours extra cute to keep us from getting too impatient.
I'm glad you linked to Leah Libresco's piece in here, as it's the first thing that came to mind! This is a really, really wonderful list of suggestions you put together. Our church has "busy bags" with crayons, coloring pages, fidget toys and books for the service.
I wonder if it's harder to have the toilet seats and more permanent items, seeing as we borrow the space from a Catholic high school. My husband and I have actually both been part of churches in the past that rented Sunday building space (that needed to be torn down and packed up every week) in the absence of their own building.... and this definitely has its limitations. But I'm sure more could be done!
I love that! Some kids are able to focus so much more easily with manipulatives or books or something to focus on that allows their little bodies to move without, ya know, making a break for the altar halfway through the homily or shouting "JESUS BOOTY" at the Crucifix. As they do 0_0.
I'm sure that would pose an additional challenge! The best work around I can see would be to pack out diaper bags with whatever supplies were available and leave them in the bathrooms/pick them up after service. But the event planner in me knows that one more thing to remember each week is one more thing to forget each week. And Catholic school or not, high school students probably aren't the people we trust the most to just leave something alone during the week if it gets left behind.
One of my favorite things about our current church (where we just had our last Sunday 😭) is a little note in the bulletin that says, “to families with young children” and then explains that we’re so glad you’re here, we know children tend to squawk a bit so don’t be embarrassed, the liturgy belongs to children too. It encourages parents to sit up front, shares where the cry room and changing table is and says, “hurry back!” if you have to take a child out.
I love this 😭😭😭 the sitting up front has been a total game changer for us.
I love this! And I think there's a lot to be said about having parents actively communicate ideas like these to our pastors. I'm only beginning to see these needs myself now that I'm a mom! So I can see how easy it would be for those in charge (notoriously celibate men!) to just have no idea about what could be helpful for families. So I went ahead and forwarded this to my brother, a parish priest. He replied "I'm printing it out and will share it with my Parish Leadership Team. Thanks for thinking of me. Yes, this sort of thing is very helpful. It's always exciting to imagine how things at the parish could be more lively and life-giving."
(I only wish our own parish would take note, they have a sign in the bathroom telling parents to take dirty nappies with them or walk all the way outside to bin them...)
You're so right, Melody--so much of what we want to see is doable if we just take the time to ask for it! Thanks so much for sharing this with your brother. I'm glad he found it helpful! You've reminded me to touch base with our pastor about getting a few of these set up in our community as well.
(And oooooh girl, I'm so sorry--that sounds so frustrating!)
Amen to aaaalll of these. Our current church doesn’t have a diaper changing station in any of the two bathrooms-and that just really gets me. I would agree with notes in bulletins/occasional reminders at the start of mass that “yes children are welcome, yes they make noise and wiggle around, and yes-your job as a fellow parishioner is to be welcoming and not judgmental/glaring.” Something that is hard to implement but is a huge reason we love our current parish-the amount of people who come up to us before/after mass, no matter how loud are kids are, and say thank you for bringing them/God bless you for bringing them/what are their names” and then check in on us every week. It has taken away so much stress about policing my kids at church because I know the people around us delight in them as they are, and turns out I parent better when I’m. It hyper stressed about not rocking the proverbial boat. Ushers can do a lot to welcome kids too-our ushers always make sure to welcome our kids by name, give them their own bulletin, and make them feel seen/like they’re members too.
Yes! Having a community who really knows and loves the kiddos makes SUCH a difference in how we approach the Mass! I completely agree with you, too, that the girls (and the adults!) are all better-behaved when there's less pressure to keep totally quiet AND still the entire Mass. I tend to go in with the attitude that we'll try for one (quiet OR still)--sometimes we won't get either, and occasionally we get both. But aiming for one keeps my expectations in a healthier place.
My church does some of these (step stools to help the kids reach the sink, backpacks full of service-friendly books, toys, crayons, and coloring books) but not so much on the others. But…we’re getting ready to build a new church building, having completely outgrown our current one, and I’m on the interior building team. I’m going to save this list and use it when we’re buying things for bathrooms. (And yes! Changing tables in men’s bathrooms! I used to get so irritated as a young mom when there was no option for this…sometimes moms just need a break from diapers.)
Our parish does two out of these five and I love your other suggestions, especially the lending library!
What do we think about:
-having a livestream of the service inside a cry room, where parents can follow along with the liturgy even while soothing a fussy baby?
-having a teaching mass or at least a sermon directed specifically to children?
These suggestions were made in a social media group I’m part of and I thought they were good ideas as well!
Ooh, I always forget about the cry room because both of the parishes we attend regularly have the cry room that shares a window and A/V system with the sanctuary, so you can always hear and see (at least in theory). But yes, if the cry room is in a separate space, I think this can be helpful. (I have very mixed feelings about cry rooms and their place/usage in general, but that's also based on negative experiences of "this is just a free-range toy-infested playroom" rather than a hard-and-fast principle...)
As far as a Teaching Mass or a Children's Mass, I honestly can't remember if I've seen them done/done well (other than school Masses with my husband's fourth graders), so I don't have a frame of reference for that. What's been your experience? I love the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program because it offers a sort of meet-in-the-middle experience, where the children are invited to ponder the mysteries of the Mass in a context where they can touch, look, listen, ask questions, etc. without it being disruptive to the Mass itself.
What are your thoughts on mixing it up more within the pews, like kids sitting with other families? Occasionally our girls will go and sit with their godparents (they have older kids), and it's awesome. I don't know. I kind of have this utopian vision of it being normal to just hand a baby off to someone else.
We're very comfortable with this HA. Our girls don't have a ton of people yet who they're comfortable enough with to go and sit with, but they're the limiting factor more than we are. When James and I were married but before the girls were born, we'd often go with sit with our friends who had littles, and we really loved that experience, too.
This is really wonderful! Our church has some of this—the high chairs in the fellowship hall, stools in the bathroom—but could stand to have other things. I was *just* thinking about donating potty seat reducers yesterday, as I squatted awkwardly in a stall to support my toddler on the potty at 5mos pregnant and realized it wasn’t going to get any less awkward for a while lol.
YES! The pregnant squat is so real!
This is WONDERFUL!! Having a stool at the bathroom sink makes an especially big difference. Occasionally I have donated one. They only cost $10, and it makes it so much easy for children to wash their hands!
Yes! I often forget about this one because our sweet 3yo is very small for her age, so even with a stool she usually still needs a boost... but we're finally getting to the point where a stool would facilitate that independence for her, so it's been on my mind recently. Such an easy (and, like you said) affordable way to help the kids feel welcomed.
Thank you for the mention Sarah! Love the focus on the seemingly small but truly impactful grassroots effort you suggest here.
A spot to nurse a baby is always appreciated and my sisters’ parish has holy water fonts at toddler hight. They even put in a little toilet!
The holy water fonts are a game changer! And probably having them accessible would help reduce the novelty of them over time--both my kids would spend the entire Mass in my arms at the adult-height font if I let them, just splashing around hehe
Literally printing out to give to our parish life director. We are admittedly NOT a young parish but we are going through a large scale renovation project in the next years and these things need to be incorporated.
St. Columba of Durango, come and visit! Hopefully we will have a potty seat reducer in our ONLY bathroom by next week because I am going out to buy one right now!
I'm so glad to hear this, Whitney, and honored that you're sharing with your parish! I'm a Texas gal, but wouldn't you know it--I've actually been to Durango a couple of times on family vacations back in the day!
Ooh! We literally just got our first issue of MagnifiKid for our kiddo; we've got Magificat for ourselves and she's interested but that looks like it's going to be really good for her.
(Also, TOTALLY AGREE re: the point about what it means to build a culture of life. Also also the point re dads changing diapers too. :)
So fun! Ours aren't quite old enough for it yet, but my younger brother ADORED them back in the day, so I'm excited for our 3yo to grow into them!
(My experience is with Reformed Baptist / Presbyterian churches and services, but I think almost all of what I have to say would apply to Catholic parishes too.) It really helps to build a family culture if the leadership and other members of the church take the time to tell parents that they value and appreciate the participation of children in the service. My two-year-old is a firecracker, and training her to sit through church was *hard*. She had a phase around 15 months where all she wanted to do was babble throughout the entire (hour and a half) service. But people at my church started telling me how much they were encouraged by her enthusiastic participation in congregational responses and her robust attempts to sing the hymns. We just moved, and multiple people told me how much they will miss hearing her say “Thanks be to God!” and “Amen!” and “Hallelujah!” during church services.
While I like the idea of busy bags and books for kids to use in the service, and value the sentiment behind providing them, I do think they can be pretty distracting for kids (and others around them as the things are constantly falling) and also start sibling squabbles. Simply providing pencils, Bibles, and hymnals in the pews, and then paper bulletins, is just as effective, if not more so, than busy bags and books. My kids spent most services drawing on the bulletin, flipping through the pages of the Bible, etc. I also loved it when my church began providing a single sheet labeled “Sermon Notes for Kids” that had a place to draw a picture, write down the date, etc. My five-year-old is a pre-reader, but he enjoyed writing his name on the sermons and drawing a picture based on the passage for the sermon. We would fill in the rest of the page at home during lunch.
This is beautiful! It's so encouraging when the parishioners really do rally around young children--because it's true! I always do smile when I hear someone else's child belting out the responses or babbling repetitions of what they're hearing.
And yes--it's funny you should mention sibling squabbles because our girls are just getting to this age where they fight over books. We've learned not to bring stuffies or dolls to Mass, but now that the younger one is starting to enjoy books a little more, I think we're going to have to adjust our strategy again. Our first was (as first children often are) fairly obedient, if a little free-range, so she would walk around a bit but never too far from us. This second one, though, would absolutely be up on the altar if we didn't keep a hawk-eye on her. So much comes down to personality!
I love the idea of a sermon notes sheet! We're in a major coloring phase with the three-year-old, so she would be all over that, and I'd love something to help redirect her attention back to what's actually happening on the altar, rather than what crazy antics her sister is getting into. HA!
I also love hearing and seeing when a child (whether my own or someone else’s), through participating in songs or responses or whatever else, recognizes that the service is for her too, and not just something boring that’s for adults and that she simply has to fidget through! That burgeoning awareness that she is God’s creature and that God wants to reveal himself to her through song, sermon, and sacrament makes all the frustrating Sundays where no one can sit still or be quiet for thirty seconds worth it!
There are tons of good options for sermon notes sheets, but this is the one my church used: https://www.moritzfinedesigns.com/printable-sermon-notes-for-kids/.
And those second-borns! They really keep us on our toes, don’t they? My husband and I like to tell each other that God made ours extra cute to keep us from getting too impatient.
I'm glad you linked to Leah Libresco's piece in here, as it's the first thing that came to mind! This is a really, really wonderful list of suggestions you put together. Our church has "busy bags" with crayons, coloring pages, fidget toys and books for the service.
I wonder if it's harder to have the toilet seats and more permanent items, seeing as we borrow the space from a Catholic high school. My husband and I have actually both been part of churches in the past that rented Sunday building space (that needed to be torn down and packed up every week) in the absence of their own building.... and this definitely has its limitations. But I'm sure more could be done!
I love that! Some kids are able to focus so much more easily with manipulatives or books or something to focus on that allows their little bodies to move without, ya know, making a break for the altar halfway through the homily or shouting "JESUS BOOTY" at the Crucifix. As they do 0_0.
I'm sure that would pose an additional challenge! The best work around I can see would be to pack out diaper bags with whatever supplies were available and leave them in the bathrooms/pick them up after service. But the event planner in me knows that one more thing to remember each week is one more thing to forget each week. And Catholic school or not, high school students probably aren't the people we trust the most to just leave something alone during the week if it gets left behind.