This is fascinating and a well written description of something I have observed.
Quick take: Would “say please, please” make amy difference?
Longer take:
Most of my experience with this comes from observing my friends and family with children, as i don’t yet have my own. Hambone has 4 kids under 8, my sister has 3 under 5. I have been most surprised by how much they remember, how advanced their understanding is, and how quickly they observe and imitate adults.
I think the P’s and Q’s of courtesy are hard because especially in homelife theres an ambience of love and understanding so theres implicit “please” or assumed “thank you” if its ever forgotten. But kids dont get the implicit part and need it spelled out.
I dont think its the end-all-be-all though if youre not consistent in that front, though. My anecdotal observation is that age 3 is where imitation gives way to understanding and they can grasp a lot more and perhaps the P’s and Q’s will fit into some comprehension of courtesy.
Great article about a topic i worry about a lot, so thank you for this!
“I think the P’s and Q’s of courtesy are hard because especially in homelife theres an ambience of love and understanding so theres implicit “please” or assumed “thank you” if its ever forgotten. But kids dont get the implicit part and need it spelled out.”
I think you hit the nail on the head here - it doesn’t feel impolite to leave off the please with family the same way it might with a stranger. And it can be a challenge to explain that, especially as children are also only just beginning to understand the distinction between famil/friends/neighbors/strangers. My sweet daughter calls everyone “friend” and every woman “that mommy”. But I think you’re right that they do move from purely imitation to a better understanding at that 3 or 4 mark, just based on my observation of my friends kids.
As for your question about “say please, please” - I’ll have to give this a shot and see if it leads to a better habit in me or her! It’s a creative solution!
This is fascinating and a well written description of something I have observed.
Quick take: Would “say please, please” make amy difference?
Longer take:
Most of my experience with this comes from observing my friends and family with children, as i don’t yet have my own. Hambone has 4 kids under 8, my sister has 3 under 5. I have been most surprised by how much they remember, how advanced their understanding is, and how quickly they observe and imitate adults.
I think the P’s and Q’s of courtesy are hard because especially in homelife theres an ambience of love and understanding so theres implicit “please” or assumed “thank you” if its ever forgotten. But kids dont get the implicit part and need it spelled out.
I dont think its the end-all-be-all though if youre not consistent in that front, though. My anecdotal observation is that age 3 is where imitation gives way to understanding and they can grasp a lot more and perhaps the P’s and Q’s will fit into some comprehension of courtesy.
Great article about a topic i worry about a lot, so thank you for this!
“I think the P’s and Q’s of courtesy are hard because especially in homelife theres an ambience of love and understanding so theres implicit “please” or assumed “thank you” if its ever forgotten. But kids dont get the implicit part and need it spelled out.”
I think you hit the nail on the head here - it doesn’t feel impolite to leave off the please with family the same way it might with a stranger. And it can be a challenge to explain that, especially as children are also only just beginning to understand the distinction between famil/friends/neighbors/strangers. My sweet daughter calls everyone “friend” and every woman “that mommy”. But I think you’re right that they do move from purely imitation to a better understanding at that 3 or 4 mark, just based on my observation of my friends kids.
As for your question about “say please, please” - I’ll have to give this a shot and see if it leads to a better habit in me or her! It’s a creative solution!