I think perhaps it’s also worth noting that while the Fathers do tend to agree that Mary didn’t experiment the typical pain in childbirth (and I love the Fathers!), it has not been defined in church teaching. The Hebrew in Genesis regarding the pains of childbirth after fall can be translated “increase” … which could possibly imply that there was a kind of pain for prelapsarian woman. [I asked a Biblical scholar about this once because I wasn’t entirely convinced by some arguments.]
I cried while reading this! You put so much into words I haven’t been able to, or maybe I was too scared to admit. Thank you for this! I am certain I will read it many times over.
I agree with your footnote observation about men and women, and I think some of the pious devotion that has come down throughout the centuries has come through men, and so doesn’t always translate as well for women. (Not a universal blanket statement, of course!)
Yes! I have so many thoughts about the (im)prudence of my reading Louis de Montfort on my own // without a spiritual director as a 17yo… he has so much richness and wisdom, but I was not ready to receive it and have long felt the effects of my (probably wrong) interpretations of his words. Much like fasting and other ascetic guidelines were primarily developed with male physiology in mind, and we as women sometimes need to make adjustments or allowances in certain seasons. I hope and pray that a deeper exploration of typically-male and typically-female spirituality can be a fruit of today’s (tragically necessary) discussions about men and women and their different identities and strengths.
Yes! I had a monk explain DeMontfort as writing “love poetry” to Our Lady in trubador style, which helped me make sense of what I considered a lot of bizarre excess.
My favourite priest has a very strong devotion to Mary, and from his example and advice, I’ve learned how to better live as Mary’s daughter (something I still do way too imperfectly). When beginning something new—be it as big as a new state in life, medium-ly big as a new job, or as small as a chore—we should give it to Mary, like a toddler running to her mother and insisting that she hold her hand while she works. When things go wrong—large and small disappointments—we should try to make a habit of immediately turning to Mary for comfort, consolation, strength, and resignation. Sometimes if I’m struggling with that, I’ll close my eyes and imagine myself as a little toddler running to Mary, in whatever emotion I’m experiencing at the time, and she greeting me with open arms.
Also, even though Mary did not labour and give birth the way the rest of us do, the Book of Apocalypse does give us the image of her experiencing labour-like anguish in her role as Mother of the Church. Perhaps that’s an aspect that we can meditate on instead: Mary’s sufferings as she labours to bring her headstrong, wayward children back to her Son.
Yes! One of the things I didn’t include here but thought about including was the image of my 15mo aggressively tugging at my neckline when she wants to nurse, throwing her arms up when she wants to be held, or positioning herself in front of my legs when she wants me to stop waking away. She’s very insistent, but I think it betrays a trust that I will continue to respond to her needs and requests—it’s so hard to re-find that spiritual attitude as an adult in a way that isn’t just all prideful or ultimately disappointed and resentful
This is interesting because it has not really occurred to me to do this, not because I do not compare myself to other people (way too much in fact), but because my imagination is somewhat impoverished so I mostly compare myself to people that I can see around me.
I did hear a great tip one year in a Jan 1 homily: a priest (who had been staying at the parish for a year or two while getting a degree) said that, since he is not a mother, for perspective he asked a few mothers what they do, and one of them said "well, I schedule my kids' lives on my kitchen calendar": when they are going to soccer practice, when they are going to school or the doctor, etc., all of the tiny details of life, and so his suggestion in the homily was "ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to schedule your life". If you ask for this it turns out that SHE WILL.
I think you've captured exactly why us Catholic women struggle to relate to Mary, especially your observation in your 4th footnote! In college, some of my guy friends had a huge devotion to Mary. I always admired their love for her, but I couldn't fully understand it. There really is something unique about their relationship with Mary. But this also means that we (womenkind) have our own unique relationship with her that the men can't fully experience.
Beautifully said. I have struggled with the idea of struggling with Mary! But I think you're right that there's something across the man/woman divide where her life touches us differently. I think your "resolution" of the question is simple and eloquent. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you for sharing all of this, Sara. Appreciate your heart behind your posts. Thanks for the shout-out to the last minute welcoming to the young woman with Down’s Syndrome, who I am sure brought tons of beauty and joy. I always am thankful for those small mentions and sharing love.
Excellent piece Sara! For myself, I had a hard time relating to Mary as Mother because I had a strenuous relationship with my own mother. I also struggled (do the pride most likely) with approaching Mary with a childlike approach. As a daughter very much in need of a mother. In my 50+ year journey in my faith, I’m experiencing some of these same conclusions as well. And btw, removing Instagram from my life helped me immensely move forward in my spiritual growth and in other areas of my life.
Thank you for such a wonderful reflection to pray with! A lot of Marian spirituality has long been a bit of a no-man's-land for me and this is so helpful as a starting point for navigating that.
I often struggle with the same question of relatability with Christ. Like His human experience was sans sin, and all it's effects, and concupiscence, and He knew the whole story before it played out, which feels like cheating the struggles we face. It causes me to question the authenticity of His struggle, His cross. It is truly a deep mystery. However, He does not become man in a vacuum, just by himself; he is surrounded by sin, and knows its sting more fully too. His suffering comes out of His love for us and the pain it causes Him to know we suffer and fall. He knows that some will not respond and receive His gift, and that is part of His cross. It it different than our petty, daily struggles, and it definitely isn't relatable until we learn to love even a fraction of the depth that he love. And first we must receive the love. (this has turned into rambling and processing new thoughts on this struggle and what it means to try to be Christlike....thank you for the food for thought).
The light through glass thing drives me absolutely up a wall for a couple reasons -
1.) Why is Mary's virginity limited to that one tiny bit of her anatomy? There's a lot more to the female reproductive system than that, and at the point that THOSE weren't involved, I feel like you start running into contradictions with the whole Incarnation "fully man".
2.) what you mentioned about birth. My births with my children are such a huge part of my relationship with them, and not just because of the suffering. There was real beauty there too. I mean, maybe there was some equivalent there? There had to have been, right? It's still hard to think about.
And...what happened to the placenta?
The Church Fathers are obviously more important than my opinion, and I know I owe obedience to Church teaching. I honestly just try not to think about it too much.
Wooo, so good. I’m in the middle renewing my consecration and this is so poignant and beautiful. Even though I’ve been a lifelong Catholic, I’ve struggled with Mary. The first time I did the consecration was rough but after it, my struggles, perhaps objections, melted away. I can only infer that it was grace at work in me! Even with a growing devotion to the rosary and blatant tug to form a more intimate relationship with Mary, there’s still aspects of me that are being pushed and prodded in this second round renewal. I’m not a wife or momma quite yet, but I’ved tried to find Mary on IG multiple times too with failure. Wonderful, relatable read!
Deeply insightful. Marian Devotion is a core piece of my faith and practice. It was enjoyable to read about yours and I’m glad to see more outspoken Marian devotees
We are all toddlers offering mud pies to God.
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I think perhaps it’s also worth noting that while the Fathers do tend to agree that Mary didn’t experiment the typical pain in childbirth (and I love the Fathers!), it has not been defined in church teaching. The Hebrew in Genesis regarding the pains of childbirth after fall can be translated “increase” … which could possibly imply that there was a kind of pain for prelapsarian woman. [I asked a Biblical scholar about this once because I wasn’t entirely convinced by some arguments.]
I cried while reading this! You put so much into words I haven’t been able to, or maybe I was too scared to admit. Thank you for this! I am certain I will read it many times over.
Ah, Jak, I’m so glad to hear this. It’s been on my mind and heart for a long time, that’s for sure.
I agree with your footnote observation about men and women, and I think some of the pious devotion that has come down throughout the centuries has come through men, and so doesn’t always translate as well for women. (Not a universal blanket statement, of course!)
Yes! I have so many thoughts about the (im)prudence of my reading Louis de Montfort on my own // without a spiritual director as a 17yo… he has so much richness and wisdom, but I was not ready to receive it and have long felt the effects of my (probably wrong) interpretations of his words. Much like fasting and other ascetic guidelines were primarily developed with male physiology in mind, and we as women sometimes need to make adjustments or allowances in certain seasons. I hope and pray that a deeper exploration of typically-male and typically-female spirituality can be a fruit of today’s (tragically necessary) discussions about men and women and their different identities and strengths.
Yes! I had a monk explain DeMontfort as writing “love poetry” to Our Lady in trubador style, which helped me make sense of what I considered a lot of bizarre excess.
My favourite priest has a very strong devotion to Mary, and from his example and advice, I’ve learned how to better live as Mary’s daughter (something I still do way too imperfectly). When beginning something new—be it as big as a new state in life, medium-ly big as a new job, or as small as a chore—we should give it to Mary, like a toddler running to her mother and insisting that she hold her hand while she works. When things go wrong—large and small disappointments—we should try to make a habit of immediately turning to Mary for comfort, consolation, strength, and resignation. Sometimes if I’m struggling with that, I’ll close my eyes and imagine myself as a little toddler running to Mary, in whatever emotion I’m experiencing at the time, and she greeting me with open arms.
Also, even though Mary did not labour and give birth the way the rest of us do, the Book of Apocalypse does give us the image of her experiencing labour-like anguish in her role as Mother of the Church. Perhaps that’s an aspect that we can meditate on instead: Mary’s sufferings as she labours to bring her headstrong, wayward children back to her Son.
Yes! One of the things I didn’t include here but thought about including was the image of my 15mo aggressively tugging at my neckline when she wants to nurse, throwing her arms up when she wants to be held, or positioning herself in front of my legs when she wants me to stop waking away. She’s very insistent, but I think it betrays a trust that I will continue to respond to her needs and requests—it’s so hard to re-find that spiritual attitude as an adult in a way that isn’t just all prideful or ultimately disappointed and resentful
> tried to find echoes of my motherhood in hers.
This is interesting because it has not really occurred to me to do this, not because I do not compare myself to other people (way too much in fact), but because my imagination is somewhat impoverished so I mostly compare myself to people that I can see around me.
I did hear a great tip one year in a Jan 1 homily: a priest (who had been staying at the parish for a year or two while getting a degree) said that, since he is not a mother, for perspective he asked a few mothers what they do, and one of them said "well, I schedule my kids' lives on my kitchen calendar": when they are going to soccer practice, when they are going to school or the doctor, etc., all of the tiny details of life, and so his suggestion in the homily was "ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to schedule your life". If you ask for this it turns out that SHE WILL.
I think you've captured exactly why us Catholic women struggle to relate to Mary, especially your observation in your 4th footnote! In college, some of my guy friends had a huge devotion to Mary. I always admired their love for her, but I couldn't fully understand it. There really is something unique about their relationship with Mary. But this also means that we (womenkind) have our own unique relationship with her that the men can't fully experience.
Thank you for your beautiful reflection!
Beautifully said. I have struggled with the idea of struggling with Mary! But I think you're right that there's something across the man/woman divide where her life touches us differently. I think your "resolution" of the question is simple and eloquent. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you for sharing all of this, Sara. Appreciate your heart behind your posts. Thanks for the shout-out to the last minute welcoming to the young woman with Down’s Syndrome, who I am sure brought tons of beauty and joy. I always am thankful for those small mentions and sharing love.
Excellent piece Sara! For myself, I had a hard time relating to Mary as Mother because I had a strenuous relationship with my own mother. I also struggled (do the pride most likely) with approaching Mary with a childlike approach. As a daughter very much in need of a mother. In my 50+ year journey in my faith, I’m experiencing some of these same conclusions as well. And btw, removing Instagram from my life helped me immensely move forward in my spiritual growth and in other areas of my life.
Thank you for such a wonderful reflection to pray with! A lot of Marian spirituality has long been a bit of a no-man's-land for me and this is so helpful as a starting point for navigating that.
I often struggle with the same question of relatability with Christ. Like His human experience was sans sin, and all it's effects, and concupiscence, and He knew the whole story before it played out, which feels like cheating the struggles we face. It causes me to question the authenticity of His struggle, His cross. It is truly a deep mystery. However, He does not become man in a vacuum, just by himself; he is surrounded by sin, and knows its sting more fully too. His suffering comes out of His love for us and the pain it causes Him to know we suffer and fall. He knows that some will not respond and receive His gift, and that is part of His cross. It it different than our petty, daily struggles, and it definitely isn't relatable until we learn to love even a fraction of the depth that he love. And first we must receive the love. (this has turned into rambling and processing new thoughts on this struggle and what it means to try to be Christlike....thank you for the food for thought).
“Behold your #momgoals”. LOL
Such a great piece! I never thought of the men vs women relationship with Mary.
When I read your posts I feel like it is a Mel Gibson “what women want” movie experience. But the wholesome parts, to be clear haha.
The light through glass thing drives me absolutely up a wall for a couple reasons -
1.) Why is Mary's virginity limited to that one tiny bit of her anatomy? There's a lot more to the female reproductive system than that, and at the point that THOSE weren't involved, I feel like you start running into contradictions with the whole Incarnation "fully man".
2.) what you mentioned about birth. My births with my children are such a huge part of my relationship with them, and not just because of the suffering. There was real beauty there too. I mean, maybe there was some equivalent there? There had to have been, right? It's still hard to think about.
And...what happened to the placenta?
The Church Fathers are obviously more important than my opinion, and I know I owe obedience to Church teaching. I honestly just try not to think about it too much.
Wooo, so good. I’m in the middle renewing my consecration and this is so poignant and beautiful. Even though I’ve been a lifelong Catholic, I’ve struggled with Mary. The first time I did the consecration was rough but after it, my struggles, perhaps objections, melted away. I can only infer that it was grace at work in me! Even with a growing devotion to the rosary and blatant tug to form a more intimate relationship with Mary, there’s still aspects of me that are being pushed and prodded in this second round renewal. I’m not a wife or momma quite yet, but I’ved tried to find Mary on IG multiple times too with failure. Wonderful, relatable read!
Deeply insightful. Marian Devotion is a core piece of my faith and practice. It was enjoyable to read about yours and I’m glad to see more outspoken Marian devotees