The Home as the Domestic Monastery

BOOK CLUB 1 | INTRO: Does St. Benedict's Rule apply to the family?

Book club is HERE! I hope you are as excited as I am to read together and discuss over these next few weeks. Keep reading below for all the details, and if you’re new to Whole and Holy, make sure you’re subscribed to receive posts directly to your inbox.

Photo by Manuel Torres Garcia on Unsplash

I can’t remember when I first heard the family described as the Domestic Church, but after four years of working with the Together in Holiness marriage conference, it’s become a fundamental part of my understanding of marriage and family life.

But, as my husband and I read through the Rule of St. Benedict as part of our evening prayer, I’ve been a little shocked to find out just how practical and applicable it is to family life. St. Benedict clearly cared deeply for his monks, and every detail is addressed: men who are performing a service to the community are given relief from the ascetic practices that might leave them unable to fulfill their duty; punishment is to be directed towards restoration to the community; and particular care instructions are given for both the monks and the physical goods of the monastery. Nothing is to be taken for granted. While there are obviously some things that don’t directly apply to family life, it isn’t difficult at all to take the spirit of what Benedict is saying and apply it to our home.

So I began to wonder if anyone had written on this topic directly. I know there are plenty of books about building a personal or family Rule of Life. (I’ve read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life and plan to discuss it with you all once in a future Book Club series or workshop.) But I wasn’t sure if I’d ever heard the family described as a “Domestic Monastery” in the same way I’d heard the “Domestic Church”.

So naturally, as I do when I’m seeking a starting place for research, I texted one of my Smart Friends (TM):

Good morning! Random theology (or at least theology-adjacent) question for you:

We hear a lot about the family as the domestic church, with at least some writers extending the analogy to say that dad is the bishop or priest of the home. Would it be appropriate to use the analogy of family as the domestic monastery, with (by extension) dad as the abbot of the home?

For context, we are reading the Rule of St. Benedict and there was a section that really struck me as an excellent guide for motherhood, so I wanted to see if I’m totally off-base or if there’s something of a tradition there.

Here is what he responded:

Howdy, Sara! Great to hear from you. That was a doozy of a text! The short answer is that I am not aware of a precedent in the Tradition of the domestic monastery similar to what we find with domestic church. I would think that, insofar as it applies to the Christian family, it would apply in the sense that it follows the basic hierarchical structure of the Church. On the other hand, I don’t see the harm in making a comparison, though speaking from my own experience with my five boys, they behave more like monkeys than monks!

The monastery, says St. Benedict, is a “school for the LORD’s service.” In that sense, I think it would apply quite well to make a comparison with the family. Also, because it is a seedbed of vocations, it should prepare children for whatever vocation God calls them to. Maybe not so short of an answer, but there it is!

Blessings to you and your domestic church/monastery!

After chuckling for a minute at the monkeys more than monks comment, I went ahead and started drafting some thoughts. (I have also found a few articles online that discuss the subject, but all are very recent and none go into much detail.¹) As I read and wrote and thought, I realized that I have more things to say than would be reasonable to share in one post. So, I think we’re going to test out our first Book Club here at Whole and Holy. My plan will be to continue sending out posts about ~whatever~ on Mondays, and to focus on Book Club discussions on Thursdays. I know some of you are not on Substack (and are reading in your email inbox), so I am trying to figure out the best way to host a discussion. For this first time, I think that we will have about 6 weekly posts, which will include some direct quotes from the Rule, my thoughts on the reading, and a few discussion questions. Folks who are on Substack can chime in with a comment; those who are not can share their thoughts within their families, friend groups, or personal prayer/reflection time as you see fit. This will take us right to the end of August. Then, at the end, we’ll host one big Zoom call for a more communal discussion of the highlights. This will also be a neat opportunity to share any ways we’ve applied the Rule in our own lives or families, and the fruits we’ve seen so far.

Tentative Schedule

I have tried to keep these grouped somewhat thematically, while maintaining the sequence of the original text. Please note that we will not discuss Chapters 8-19. These are particularly detailed sections regarding the recitation of the Divine Office, and while the Office is a worthy devotion for families, there are many good handbooks available already, and I’m confident I have nothing to add that has not already been said.

• July 13 (TODAY!): Introduction, Housekeeping, Prologue

• July 20: Chapters 1-7
  Virtue, Authority, and Ground Rules

• July 27: Chapters 20-30 (behind paywall)
  Discipline, Punishment, and Restoration to Community

• August 3: Chapters 31-40
  Motherhood, Respect, and Human Limitedness

• August 10: Chapters 41-49 (behind paywall)
  Additional Matters of Discipline and Household Rules

• August 17: Chapters 50-61 (behind paywall)
  Special Circumstances, Relationships, and Hospitality

• August 24: Chapters 62-73 (behind paywall)
  Order, Obedience, and Justice

• August 31: Summary, Zoom Call Information

• September 1: Zoom Call Recap, Request for Feedback

A Few Housekeeping Notes

The Rule is available for free online. You can click here for a single-PDF version or here for a version that is divided out by chapter. You can also find it available in a printed book - this is the copy we have at home. It is up to you whether to read the text for the week before or after the post is released. There are no “spoilers” with the Rule, so if your comprehension is typically better after reading some introductory information, you are welcome to read the post here first and the text afterwards. And of course, vice versa if you prefer to read and get a sense of the text on your own before reading anyone else’s commentary. If there are any outside resources I reference each week, I will be sure to include links in the discussions, and if you come across anything that you find helpful, I hope you will leave a comment so other readers can check it out.

If you know someone who would be interested in this discussion, please share this post with them and invite them to subscribe so they don’t miss a thing!

Thoughts on the Prologue

The Prologue to St. Benedict’s Rule almost reads like a sixth-century pep talk. Benedict begins with a conversation between the soul and God, as the soul seeks out the path of holiness and sanctification. While he (obviously) has a monastic life in mind, the constant theme of obedience and openness to the Lord’s will applies to our lives as well:

I now address a word of exhortation to thee, whosoever thou art, who, renouncing thine own will and taking up the bright and all-conquering weapons of obedience, dost enter upon the service of thy true king, Christ the Lord.

Marriage and motherhood often involve a daily “renouncing [our] own will” in some form or fashion. And while we might not be bound by a particular vow of obedience, as Benedictine monks are, our daily lives frequently call us to obedience and service, whether to a spouse, a child, or simply the will of God as made known to us in the demands of the present moment.² These “weapons of obedience” are bright because they are uncommon and often uncomfortable, standing out in a culture focused so entirely on pleasure and self-will; they are all-conquering because they ultimately point to and fulfill the deepest desires of the human heart, rooting out selfishness and filling its place with love of God and neighbor. I love the tenderness with which Benedict addresses his monks here, and the obvious devotion he has to the Lord:

What, most dear brethren, could be more sweet to us than this voice of the Lord inviting us? Behold the Lord points out the way of life to us by His own fatherly affection.

This familial language “softens the blow” that might accompany such a high and difficult calling to renunciation of self-will. The Lord is inviting us, beckoning us, pointing out to us the way of life that will lead to our sanctification. He does not promise that it will be comfortable or easy, but He does promise that He will be with us and that our goal is intimacy with Him forever in heaven. Driving this point home, Benedict begins his final paragraph in the Prologue by offering us a concise summary of our mission in reading and applying the Rule in our lives:

We have therefore to establish a school of the Lord’s service, in the institution of which we hope we are going to establish nothing harsh, nothing burdensome.

Our families are called to be “school[s] of the Lord’s service” in a real and profound way. Is this how we think of ourselves? Do we recognize our daily lives as opportunities to train ourselves, our spouses, and our children in the service of the Lord? We cannot forget that all our efforts to live out the Lord’s teachings, to cultivate habits of virtue in our family, and to teach our children to pray are ordered towards this service of the Lord in thought, word, and deed. This service is a life-long goal, and the Lord will not abandon us if we constantly seek to perfect not only our words and actions, but our attitudes and motivations as well.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

- Matthew 11:28-30 ESV

I am genuinely excited to read this text with you, and I hope you are as well. Please let me know if you have any questions, suggestions, or particular topics you’d like to discuss - I want this Book Club to serve YOU as you seek to build your family up into a school of the Lord’s service.

Have you read the Rule of St. Benedict before? Which discussion are you most excited about? What are you hoping to gain for yourself and/or your family from this Book Club?

1. There are actually quite a few of these! I really like Susanna Spencer’s reflection on her family’s “Little Silence” each afternoon, and this list of things that would change in a family living by the Rule offers some helpful critiques and suggestions. Men, in particular, might like Dwight Longnecker’s book Listen, My Son, while women might appreciate this reflection and/or this response on motherhood itself as a quasi-monastic state. I hope that we can build up a good mix of both spirituality and practical suggestions as we read through this document together.

2. For more on this last item, I cannot recommend highly enough Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade, SJ. I’ve referenced it before - it is one of those incredibly simple spiritual works that leaves a profound impact. This is another book I hope to discuss with you all one day, as its gentle and constant recollection of the Will of God has deeply affected the way I interact with my family.